North Singapore Marriage Problems

In North Singapore marriage is considered a beautify relationship that binds two souls who have love and compassion in their hearts. FamilyRootsOrganizer is strong advocate of the fact that having someone in your life gives you the peace of mind that you have the support and love your need in order to succeed and live a healthy life.

Well, most of the time it happens that people in North Singapore find someone who can offer them such things, but, also some of the time it happens that people don’t get these things from their spouse and after a particular time period, they get separated from each other.

While, this is the huge steps that any person will take in his/her life because no matter there have been years or few months in their marriage, but they are emotionally attached to each other so that they cannot take this thing quite easily.

Now the question might pop up in someone’s mind that why then people get divorced if it is quite a painful thing to do for them. So, for the answer to this question, we are here going to tell you about 5 common causes of divorce in North Singapore.

Anniversaries After the Affair

being married to a therapist

Have you been feeling disconnected from your partner or spouse? Do you miss having safe, genuine, intimate communication? Are you worried that you’re growing apart from each other, having less sex or no sex at all, and don’t know how to bridge the physical and emotional gap?
Perhaps your relationship has suffered from an affair, and you don’t know if it’s possible to rebuild that trust again. Maybe your definition of infidelity differs from your partner’s – perhaps he thinks that talking to other men on dating apps, even without actually meeting anyone, isn’t a breach of his commitment to you. Or it could be that one of you may have expressed a desire for an open relationship, but you can’t negotiate terms you are both comfortable with. Conversely, perhaps one partner has violated the already-existing terms of the open relationship, and now you don’t know where you stand.


At this point, it probably feels like no matter what you try to do to fix your relationship issues, nothing works. You likely feel stuck and uncertain about your future together. And although you truly want to repair your relationship, you don’t know where to start. All you want is to just feel heard again and have everything else fall back into place.

Issues
From infidelity to open relationship conflicts, whatever issues your relationship is experiencing, chances are it’s hardly unusual. The ability to advocate for ourselves peacefully is a skill we aren’t naturally born with, or one that most of us were never taught.


In many cases, conflicts occur as a result of poor communication. Moreover, when you feel betrayed, guilty, or ashamed, the right words to describe your feelings can be even harder to find. This discord makes it feel like the wedge in the relationship only grows wider.


Good communication is necessary for any healthy relationship: especially when navigating open relationships, which require a more advanced level. We know that “Don’t ask, don’t tell” doesn’t work in the military, but it especially doesn’t work for open relationships. Negotiating terms and conditions require a new level of vulnerability that many couples aren’t prepared for. The couples that experience difficulties in this department may find that the issue could have been avoided had they been more honest from the beginning. Not all couples are able to handle the complexities of open relationships, but many find renewed possibilities when they establish new levels of communication through LGBTQ couples counseling.


Unfortunately, the level of toxic masculinity in our culture can make it difficult to open up about feelings. Many gay people carry internalized shame or baggage from previous relationships that make vulnerability even more complicated. As the communication barriers widen, many couples find themselves fighting more, shoving issues under the rug, experiencing anxiousness, or living in a sexless partnership.


Fortunately, you don’t have to live this way forever – we are counselors and therapists who specialize in LGBTQ couples counseling and can help you and your partner find your way again. Last year, over 60 million couples sought therapy to heal their relationships. You are not alone in your struggle.


Restore Your Relationship With Gay Couples Counseling
Underlying most conflicts are vulnerable emotions. We teach you how to identify those feelings in yourself and your partner and how to talk about difficult subjects in ways that bring you closer rather than push you further apart. Communication is the biggest factor in restoring stressful relationships, as it can benefit your partnership not only at home, but in all aspects of your lives. In addition, productive communication is a key factor in rebuilding a healthy, active sex life.
Our practice is results-oriented and skills-based. We will begin by teaching you new communication skills. While we may address how your childhood experiences may have influenced your ability to love as an adult, the main focus will be on who you are today.

1. Infidelity

One of the biggest reasons that you will find as the cause of divorce is infidelity. This thing determines the activity of cheating your spouse on someone. Since it is obvious that every person that gets married vows to spend the rest of his/her life with that person only. He/she takes some vows according to which he/she will never leave his/her spouse, will never hurt him/her and also not let him/her alone in any situation. Well, this thing happens to almost every person but in some cases, people get into infidelity due to which their relationship does not work out.

Well, the divorce step in the case of infidelity does not take by the person who is cheating, but by the person that is being cheated by that person. In this case, when the other person finds out that his/her spouse is involved with any other person and he/she is cheated on me, then he/she does not want to live with that person anymore and he/she claims the divorce to get apart.

2. Money And Finances

Another one of the biggest elements that become the cause of divorce between two people is money. Well, money is the most basic need that every person wants to have in his life. There is nothing can be done in a real-life if a person doesn’t have money in North Singapore. Although the financial status varies from one another if we say that a person had survived in his/her life without money in his/her hand, then it is totally wrong.
Well, in the case of marriage, money and financial status play an important role. If a person, especially man, is financially strong, then his woman will go far with him by living happily, but if the status goes down by any reason, then there is a huge chance that she does not want to live without that person and she get divorce from him. Additionally, this thing applies on the man, like if a person has a figure in his mind that his wife will get with her in her account and she will make him as the caretaker of that amount, then the man will consider that lady, but if she finds out after some time that the things those he was expecting from her, will not be fulfilled in any case, then he gets himself apart from her. In such cases, the relationships are meant to be materialistic instead of emotional.

counselling before getting married
3. Lack of Communication

According to resaerch conducted by FamilyRootsOrganizer every relationship is built on effective communication. If you are do not talk a lot with a person to whom you have some kind of relationship, then you will not be able to take it way too far.

The same thing happens in the case of marriage. This relationship in North Singapore highly needs to build effective communication to make it strong. Both husband and wife need to talk to each other on different topics and spend quality time with each other. When this thing does not happen, then there appear clashes between both of them. Both people feel mental differences from each and they don’t get a proper time to make their relationship strong. This is the reason that they end up being divorced and get separated from each other.

4. Lack of Intimacy

Sex is also another one of the most important things that makes a relationship stronger. We at FamilyRootsOrganizer believe if your spouse is not sexually fit as you are, then you will not be able to handle the relationship because every person has some particular sexual needs. If they are being fulfilled, then you will definitely a source by which you can get make these needs fulfilled.
This is the reason that when a person between husband or wife, feels lack of intimacy, then you will alternately end up to be divorced, and find any other person with which you are fully satisfied.

5. Abuse: Physical Or Mental

Abusing is also quite an essential thing that become the reason of divorce between two people. No matter, it is sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or any kind of physical abuse, no person can bear it for a long time. In this case, he/she will alternately take an action and demand for divorce or permanent separation.

How getting relationship therapy can help save the relationship?

Well, everything in this world has some kind of therapy for the betterment and improvement in that thing. If you are depressed or get anxiety attacks, then you will definitely get a proper therapy session, to get rid of it. Similarly, there is also a relationship therapy that helps you out to run your relationship better.

FamilyRootsOrganizer therapies help you out to understand the positive aspects of your relationship and give it a chance to work out. They encourage you to give your relationship a chance and try to make it better by changing your attitude or tackling the other person’s behavior.

So, make sure to have the relationship therapy if you are involved in any of this situation and give your marriage a chance instead of divorce.

Premarital Counseling For a Lifetime of Love

When Your Partner is Resistant to Marriage Counseling

The most popular view of marriage counseling is as a last resort for couples who want to save a marriage is falling apart. This makes it hard to figure out what to do if you just want some advice on how to make your relationship work, or if you feel as though you're having problems but your partner doesn't think that marriage counseling is a good idea. What most people don't know is that marriage counselors are more than just relationship salvage crews; they can help you even if you're not in serious trouble or if your spouse doesn't want to show up.

Feeling Resistant to Therapy

In the majority of marriages, one or both partners feel that counseling isn't appropriate. This can occur because the process is seen as too inconvenient, too expensive, or only for people who have tried everything else. It's harder for most couples to get help for their relationship problems than it is for individuals to see a therapist for anxiety, depression and other problems.

Your initial response to the idea of marriage counseling, especially if you'd have to go by yourself, may be negative. Try to overcome this feeling. After all, there's nothing wrong with getting help if it feels like things are starting to go off the rails. If your partner won't get on board with the idea of therapy, be willing to go it alone, at least at first. There's a good chance you'll end up going as a couple eventually.

When to Seek Counseling

Marriage counseling isn't just for people who feel like things are about to fall apart. In fact, it can provide a much greater benefit if you seek out a therapist before major marital strife occurs. That's because it's easier to fix conflicts if you don't feel like you're at the end of your rope. A regular "marriage checkup" could help you avoid situations that lead to unhappiness and divorce. Remember: you don't have to stay in counseling if you feel like it's not working for you, but it can feel difficult to get into if things get really bad.

Going It Alone

Couples therapy is much more effective if both people attend, but that doesn't mean you don't have options if your partner is feeling resistant. You can start seeing a therapist on your own and use the assistance of an objective outside person to solve problems in your relationship. The same thing holds true for situations where you start therapy as a couple, but one partner stops being interested. Your therapist can still help you figure out how to be happy in the relationship, even if you're the only one present.

Making the Most of Non-traditional Models

Even therapists still subscribe to the model of marriage counseling as a fix for last resorts, so you'll need to pay attention to a few things if your situation is different. Look for a counselor who has a lot of experience with couples, rather than a traditional individual counselor. Find someone who is interested in evidence-based approaches that will help you change your current situation instead of someone who prefers looking at the past. Avoid coercing your partner to come to therapy, but do encourage them; you can even share some of the insights you learn. You may be surprised by how much better your relationship becomes.

Ang Mo Kio Marriage And Trust

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Ang Mo Kio because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Ang Mo Kio. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

communication issue in relationship

When to Seek Marriage Counseling

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.

Even if you have been dating for years, it’s not safe to assume that you have both done a thorough examination of what kind of history, experience, and emotional baggage you’re each bringing into your marriage. A good personal inventory includes everything, such as your health, professional life, friendships, how you’ve handled finances, past dating relationships, and your faith journey.
Thoughtful questions from a trusted counselor or mediator can help bring to light any history that might play a bigger role in your relationship than you may think. Questions such as, “What have been your biggest disappointments in life?” and, “What have been your greatest triumphs in life?” turned out to be big questions for us. This inventory took me three hours to complete with a lot of tears, but it was all worth it. It brought up things I didn’t realize about myself. Having a better understanding of who we are individually and then sharing that with each other in the counseling session was hugely beneficial for us.


This part of counseling really homes in on how much family has shaped you. Whether you are currently close with your family or not, you spent years under its design, being immersed in how your parents communicate with each other, your extended family, and you. These things will definitely impact a future marriage because you will both become part of each other’s respective families.


As part of our pre-marriage preparation, we underwent a comprehensive evaluation about our families. We answered questions about what our family was like growing up and what our family dynamics are like presently. We discussed our relationships with parents, siblings, and extended family to get a better idea of how these relationships have shaped us. We also examined roles our parents played in the household. And big, scary things too: Trauma. Addiction. Divorce.

We discovered that we have more anxiety about marriage than others, whose parents were high-school sweethearts and are still married. If the thought of this deep dive into your family history makes you squirm a little, that’s perfectly normal. Our families are such an intimate part of who we are that we’re protective of that part of ourselves, and it can be hard to discuss the hurts and dive into how it might influence our future family.


As part of this exercise, we’ve talked about chores, grocery shopping, bill paying, vacation time, pets, children (and, of course, sex), how often we will entertain in our home, how often we’d like to have date nights, even down to who will make the bed in the morning. (Seriously!) It’s easy now to try to assign each other tasks and duties, and of course that doesn’t guarantee or cement them. But I’m actually really happy that we have a chance to talk these things out before we begin living together.


Few people enjoy talking about money, and we certainly did not look forward to this conversation. But money, how we think about it and what we do with it, plays a big part in marital happiness. In our pre-engagement sessions we were posed with great questions when talking about finances. Here are a few of the important questions to cover in a conversation about money:


Who will be the primary financial provider in the family?
How will you decide on major purchases?
Who will pay the bills, balance the checkbook, and keep track of expenses?
What is your philosophy of giving (charitable donations to your church or other organizations), and how will you make decisions about giving?
What is your conviction about debt and the use of credit cards?


These were just a handful of the financial questions we were asked to think about. We also discussed how we want to handle our finances as a couple and individually (joint or separate bank accounts). It’s a lot to think about, but the goal was to get on the same page.

relationship problem solution

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

Concept of Marriage And Relationship

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Ang Mo Kio :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

discussing relationship problems with family

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Ang Mo Kio deal with them.

Three Signs of A Successful Marriage


My husband and I were together for eight years before we got married. You would think we would have known everything about one another by then. We thought we did too. That is, until a middle-aged man grilled us on every aspect of our future marriage, from babies to death.
We chose to be married in the Catholic church, so Pre-Cana (a premarital counseling course and consultation for couples) is mandatory. We knew this was the case, and I was actually pretty excited about it. For me, it meant I could discuss concrete things in our future without bringing it up myself—or freaking him out.


If I’m being honest, I think I also secretly harbored dreams of the aforementioned middle-aged man telling us we’ve done it—we have the perfect relationship! We would leave with baby names and a certificate that read “Your Marriage Is Guaranteed to Last Forever.” A little over a year into marriage, I now realize: There’s no such thing as perfect or guarantees, but there is such a thing as being as prepared as you can be. I can’t think of a better reason to be the latter when the stakes are love, happiness and, oh you know, the rest of your life.


1. In which areas would you like to help your fiancé improve?
Oh yeah, they start you out with just straight up critiquing your significant other. Only you have to communicate it delicately and truthfully, which is a lesson in itself.

2. What are some matters about which the two of you have different opinions?
What?! You can discuss the elephants in the room, and your entire relationship won’t disintegrate?!

3. If both have careers, whose job determines where you will live?
Whoa. That’s a doozy. We tackled this one with less of a definitive answer (think: “my job determines where we’ll go”) and decided this would be something we would face together and would involve weighing several other factors.
It felt more like a lesson in teamwork. A lot of the premarriage counseling questions had a side benefit to them. After this one in particular, we both felt we could conquer something like this together and agreed, at that moment, to do so.

4. What do you usually fight about and when do you usually fight?
Somehow I never really saw the pattern until we answered this question, but it was there all along. There were some pretty stupid things I was getting mad about, and usually it was when these little things built up over time that the fights happened.
Just realizing this has helped eliminate issues that could’ve ended up causing a real strain on our relationship. Dumb arguments will always be a thing as long as I am a part of any relationship, but at least now my husband sees them coming and can identify the solution quickly.


5. If you should be unable to have your own, would you adopt a child?
Nothing is off-limits in premarital counseling. Instead of shying away from topics like infertility, you face them head-on, which alleviates much of the tension and fear on the topic.

6. On your deathbed, what would sum up your life as worthwhile? What would give meaning to your life?
Being someone’s partner is so much more than just “you cook; I clean.” It’s lifting them up and helping them have a fulfilling life. What I learned in premarriage counseling:
First step: Admitting you’re not the ultimate fulfillment for your fiancé’s life.
Second step: Finding out what else is and doing everything in your power to give that to your partner.
Third step: Be on the receiving end of step one and two.

7. What do you intend to do to stay in love?
Turns out Netflix and chill is only a piece of the formula to permanent, lasting love. Our counselor told us that his wife and him dance together every day. Even when they’re furious at one another, they spend five minutes dancing in their kitchen. It reminds them of why they married one another in the first place. It sounds like it’s straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel, but I swear it’s what he said!


Instead of waiting around and hoping that "staying in love" happens, premarriage counseling made us start planning on how to stay in love—while we were still engaged. Hard conversations and trying times will always be something we face, but after just a few hours in front of a counselor, we felt more equipped to face them. More importantly, we felt more confident that we can face them together.

Hougang Couples Therapy

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Hougang because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Hougang. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

trust issues from previous relationships

Person Centred Counselling and the Core Conditions

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.

What is Emotional Abuse

Any behavior designed to undermine and control someone else through fear, humiliation, manipulation or intimidation is emotional abuse. This can present itself in the form of verbal abuse, constant criticism or fault finding. Through these tactics the abuser makes their victims feel that they are inadequate and inferior and erodes their self-esteem.

Contrary to what some people believe, not all forms of abuse are expressed through physical violence. Emotional abuse can and often does lead to physical aggression but the abuser uses manipulation tactics as opposed to physical abuse.

What Influences People to Resort to Emotional Abuse


The need to control other people or degrade and belittle them often stems from a lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem. Abusers are psychologically and emotionally immature and may have been the victim of, or witnessed, an abusive relationship during childhood. As a result these people accept abusive behavior as the norm.

Emotional abuse does not discriminate against race, socioeconomic status, religion, culture or gender. However, in heterosexual relationships the victim in the majority of emotional abuse cases is female.

According to statistics on spousal abuse, emotional abuse occurs 6% more often than physical abuse. In view of the fact that emotional abuse is not considered a criminal act and that most cases go unreported until they eventually culminate in physical abuse the figure for emotional abuse is in reality probably much higher.

Almost 40% of women experience some type of emotional abuse either by a partner or someone with whom they have an intimate relationship. All victims in emotional abusive relationships have a very high risk of becoming physical abused. Emotional abuse is an attempt to take control of the partner - both mentally and/or emotionally.


As with all other forms of abuse the victim is bullied into living a life where the victim is in constant fear of the abuser and inevitably change their behavior and lifestyle to please the abuser.

In situations where the abuser becomes anxious of losing control over the abused or where the abuser feels guilt caused by any of his/her own actions the abuse tends to escalate. This will then allow the abuser to pass the blame of his own actions onto the abused and once again gain control over that person.


Social beliefs can also influence some men into believing that they are the stronger sex and have a right to discipline a wife or girlfriend that is disobedient.

Alcohol and drug misuse can aggravate but cannot cause emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is a personality disorder, however abusers often hide behind substance abuse as a means to justify their behavior.

None of the above reason are an excuse to be an abuser as any form of abuse is in violation of the basic human rights of the person being abused.

Who Becomes Victims of Emotional Abuse

People do not willing enter or stay in an abusive relationship but people who were verbally abused as a child often find themselves in abusive relationships as an adult. These people may not have learned how to validate their own feelings and perceptions and develop their own viewpoints. Despite the fact that emotional abuse is destructive these individuals are more likely to accept emotional abuse as normal, even comfortable.

Abusers transfer their own feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness, fear, hurt and anger to their victims. This allows them to feel more in control and avoids the issue of their own insecurities and self-perceptions.


People who are subjected to constant emotional abuse lose their sense of self-worth and no longer trust their own perceptions. Over time the victims lose all sense of self and ultimately become incapable of forming a realistic judgment of the situation. The end result is that the victim's self esteem is so low that they cling to the abuser firmly believing that they deserve to be treated this way.

Emotional abusers are masters in the art of manipulation and convince their victims that they are worthless and that no-one else would want them. The victims then believe that they have nowhere else to go and lack the self-confidence to be on their own.

Emotional abuse leaves wounds that are much deeper and lasting than physical abuse. It is also much more difficult to talk about and explain to the outside world. The abuser normally has a dual personality or "two faces". The "Mr Nice Guy" - everybody's friend, loving spouse, successful, life and soul of the party is the face that they present to the world and the emotional abuse is reserved for the victim.

If they suspect that their victims are strong enough to seek help they are known to spread rumors about their victims instability. This makes it even more difficult for the abused to walk away from an abusive relationship and they stay for fear of being labeled neurotic. In an attempt to conceal their abusive behavior they often isolate their victim keeping them away from family and friends.

Emotional abuse is the greatest indication of potential physical violence, especially where a woman is called names to humiliate and belittle her. Emotionally abusive partners have also been known to commit murder or murder-suicide. People who are subjected to emotional abuse may become suicidal.

Tactics Used By The Emotional Abuser

The emotional abuser is invariably egocentric and as such can place unreasonable demands on his victim, expecting them to give all their time and attention to the abuser. In doing so they are denying their victim of any right to privacy and time of their own. They expect their partner to be at their beck and call and will still be dissatisfied irrespective of how much they are prepared to give of themselves.

Emotional abusers have an obsession with control and will go to great lengths in an attempt to control their partner's every move. If their wants are not met they will resort to threats or punishment to get control of the victim's life. Allowing someone to dominate them to this extent will cause the victims to lose any sense of self-respect.

The victims will be constantly criticized and berated for their inability to meet the abuser's needs. Emotional abusers also constantly criticize the partner's size and appearance breaking down their self-esteem until they believe that they are repulsive and worthless.

Isolation is another common tactic used by emotional abusers. They want full control over their victim's lives and try to prevent them from having contact with their friends and family. They may even prevent them from having independent activities such as work, irrespective of whether they can afford for the victim not to earn an income or not.

Due to their own low self-esteem they are overly jealous and possessive and falsely accuse the victim of extra-marital affairs if they even speak to a person of the opposite sex. They often pressurize the victim to have sex with them to prove that they love the abuser. This often becomes their way of making amends after each attack despite the fact that the victim may be in a state of despair and hurting.

Abusers often use children as pawns in their power game and will criticize the partner's parenting abilities. They are also known to threaten to ensure that the victim does not get custody of the children should they decide to end the relationship.

Typical of an emotional abuser in order to maintain full control and power they will make all the decisions. This includes important matters such as family finances, what car to buy, where they live and which school the children will attend. They will withhold information from the victim and not consult them on any decisions.

A more aggressive form of abuse includes false accusations, name-calling, threats, blaming and ordering. The abuser assumes a superior position in the relationship by invalidating and judging the partner thereby undermining their equality and independence.

Aggressive abusive can also be more subtle and be disguised as an attempt to help the victim when in effect these are merely attempts to belittle and control them. This can lead to what is known as learned helplessness where the victim believes that they are helpless and remains passive in a damaging situation because they have been lead to believe that they are incapable of making a worthwhile decision.

Emotional abusers tend to deliberately start arguments as they have this uncontrollable urge to experience a feeling of power and control.

Denying is a very harmful form of emotional abuse and can cause the victim to lose all sense of self-worth. Besides minimizing of the victims opinion on anything they are known to deny that certain events took place or that hurtful things were said.Minimizing or trivializing is a more subtle form of denying whereby the abuser leads the victim to believe that they are over-reacting to events or things that were said. To hurt, humiliate or belittle their victims, abusers will question the victims perceptions, memory and even their sanity.

Constant invalidation of feelings, reality and experiences will inevitably lead the victim to mistrust their own perceptions and emotional experience. Emotional abusers can undermine the victims perception of reality by rejecting, mocking, diminishing, or judging the victim's feelings and opinions in an attempt to control the way the victim feels.

Abusers may often refuse to listen or communicate with their victims and withdraw emotionally as a means of punishment. This is what is commonly known as giving their victims the "silent treatment".

In an attempt to control their victims, abusers play on the values, guilt, compassion and fear of their victims to reach their goals. They may also threaten to abandon their victims in an attempt to expose the victims vulnerability and dependency on the abuser.

Abusers are often very moody people and may re-act differently to a specific situation depending on their mood. Drastic mood swings and emotional outbursts make a relationship with this type of abuser extremely draining as the victim is constantly on edge never knowing what to say or how to act to prevent an attack. This type of abuse is characterized by unpredictable responses and the victim, not knowing what to expect, is permanently on guard waiting for the next mood change which could lead to an outburst.

Characteristics of an emotional abuser



Abusers may demonstrate one or more of the following characteristics:-

  • Unrealistic expectations of themselves and others
  • Very demanding
  • Volatile temper and over-react to minimal incidents
  • Evade responsibility in a relationship and do not easily commit
  • Excessively jealous and possessive and very insecure
  • Have an obsession with controlling their victims and restricting their freedom and rights.
  • Very demanding of their victims
  • Make all the decisions and never take their partners feelings into consideration.
  • Manipulative
  • Never take responsibility or blame for their own mistakes
  • Never admit to the harm they cause - not even to themselves
  • Can not empathize with others
  • Dual personality

Effects of Emotional Abuse

People who are emotionally abused lose the confidence to make decisions for themselves and tend to agree with everything their partner suggests. They will do anything to please their abuser despite the fact that this is basically an impossible task as the abuser finds joy in criticizing everything the abused does.

In order to justify their staying in the relationship people who are emotionally abused find reasons to excuse the abuser's behavior. This includes having a bad childhood, a bad day at the office but more often than not the victim's tend to blame themselves. Something that they said or did is the reason why their partner is being abusive and they often feel it is their fault.

Emotional battering can cause serious health and psychological problems and the victims often become forgetful and find that they experience difficulty in concentrating. The abused often resort to alcohol or drug abuse or may develop eating or sleeping problems. The emotional stress can cause the abused to become physically ill or they may experience abnormal fatigue or anxiety attacks. All people react differently but it is not uncommon for emotionally abused people to suffer depression and to show a loss of interest in the world around them.

Emotional abusers often try to isolate their victims and the victims often find that they eventually lose all contact with their friends and family. As a result of the emotional battering abused people lose their self confidence and fear if they end the relationship that they will be all alone

Why Emotionally Abused Victims Don't Easily Leave


Victims of emotional abuse often stay in the abusive relationship in the hopes that the abuser will change. They often feel that by changing the way that they act towards the abuser they will be able to change the way the abuser acts towards them. Unfortunately one cannot control other people's emotions and neither can you change their personality.

One of the tragedies is that victims eventually believe all the degrading and hurtful things that the abuser tells them about themselves and truly believe that they are the cause of the problem.

The only possible way for them to walk away from this relationship with any dignity is to realise that the opinions expressed by the abuser are not necessarily their true opinion of the victim but only a means to get them to believe that they are worthless. If the victim has reached the stage where they can no longer distinguish between what could possibly be valid opinions and those given merely to hurt and control them they should seek outside help urgently.

It is very difficult for people who have been in an abusive relationship to just walk out without strong emotions of fear, embarrassment, self-blame and a host of other complex feelings. It is essential that the victims realize that there is a way out of an abusive relationship and there are trained people that will help them to overcome their fears and give them a greater understanding of the situation.

The foremost reason victims do not leave an abusive relationship is their inability to provide shelter and food for themselves and their children although threats, safety, fears and love are also contributory factors.

If you feel you are being abused, or know someone who is, you need to get help. Keeping the abuse a secret doesn't protect a person from being abused - it only makes it more likely that the abuse will continue.

What to Do if You Are Being Emotionally Abused

The very first step in the right direction is to recognize and admit that you are in a dysfunctional relationship and the victim of emotional abuse. This is a very serious situation to be in and is as bad if not worse than physical abuse. You must realize that you are not to blame for your partner's abusive behavior.

Emotional abusers often resort to aggressive behavior and this could easily lead to physical violence or murder. Have a safety plan in place and take your safety and that of your children seriously.

If your partner has threatened to harm or kill you phone 911.

When you do make a decision to leave your partner seek legal advice.

  • Victims of abuse are at the greatest risk of being harmed or killed when they leave.

You and Me

the world knows a different you
you tell them i'm crazy and they believe it too
why shouldn't they - you're so gentle and kind
they don't know what goes on in your mind.

if i told them that there is a different you
a person they would loathe if only they knew
they'd probably think that i was to blame
and i'd only be putting myself to shame

cos emotional abuse leaves no scars they can see
you are not breaking bones - you are breaking me
you trample the core of my being - deep inside
taken away my dignity, my respect and my pride.

i can't wait for your leaving in the morning
and dread your return at night
being around you makes me edgy
just waiting for the next fight

what will i be ?- a slut or a bitch?
useless and ugly and an evil witch?
or will it be i'm just a cheap whore
someone nobody loves anymore?

or will you ask me what i did with my day
and then not listen to what i say
waiting to accuse me of lies and deceit
saying i slept with every man on our street

will you throw out the meal i prepared for you
find fault with every single thing that i do
will you punch me with words so hard that i cower
all in an effort to gain control and power.


or will you resort to threats of violence and death
i wish i could tell you to just hold your breath...........

cos you cannot kill someone who no longer exists
who died a slow death caused by words and not fists.


its always the same ending after a fight
you expect me to make love all through the night
when all i want is to be left alone and in peace
in a happy place where the hurting can cease

in this dysfunctional relationship that you call love
you torture me daily without a push or a shove
but the hurt cuts deeper than gashes and bruises could
and my heart bleeds more than my body ever would.

for time will never heal the scars that i bear
i just bury them deeper year after year
and change to who you want me to be
it makes it far easier than me being me

Laura du Toit - 2009

marriage counseling over the phone

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

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There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Hougang :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

communication issue in relationship

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Hougang deal with them.

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In our modern era, much of what is important happens online. Bills, shopping, relationships, and more. So of course, our modern couples are interested to know if they can meet online for premarital counseling too.


Here at Growing Self we’ve been pioneering online marriage counseling, online life coaching, and online therapy for years. So doing online premarital counseling is naturally an option that we offer.
In fact, doing online premarital counseling works extremely well for many couples. This is especially true for couples where one (or both) people frequently travel, who have busy schedules, who live in rural areas with few options for premarital counseling locally, or who may live long distance from each other.


Our model of premarital counseling is particularly effective in an online format, because it’s structured. We help you strengthen your relationship in six main areas:


How to help each other feel loved and respected
How to communicate with each other
How to deal with inevitable conflict constructively, without it turning into a fight
How to grow together, for an interesting, fresh, enjoyable marriage
How to get on the same page about important things like money, parenting and more


Depending on your relationship’s strengths and “growth opportunities,” we can help you both learn key skills for achieving peace and harmony in all or a few of those areas. Or you may have other things on your mind that you’d like to address and resolve before getting married. That is completely fine too. We can adjust our process to fit your needs.


As well as online premarital counseling works for many of our couples, there are situations where it is not a good idea. If you are having major issues in your relationship where there is a lot of anger and emotional reactivity, or you are dealing with more serious concerns like drug or alcohol addiction, or domestic violence, you should seek help from a qualified provider in your community.
But under most circumstances, meeting online for premarital counseling works beautifully.

Here’s how it works: We see couples for premarital counseling online through Skype, FaceTime and Google Hangouts. If you would like to meet in person at one of our Denver area locations (Denver / Cherry Creek, Broomfield, or Denver Tech Center) that is also an option. Some couples like to do a combination of in-person and online premarital counseling. Either way, the first step in getting started with online premarital counseling, either with our “I DO!” premarital program, or private premarital counseling is to schedule a free consultation session with one of the expert marriage counselors on our team.  


After you schedule your consultation (either by calling our 24/7 receptionist, or through our online calendar) your premarital counselor will be following up with you to get your online contact information. They’ll call you at the time of your appointment. If you are doing a three way call, the premarital counselor will call both of you at the same time. 


If you have more questions about premarital counseling at Growing Self, would like to get matched with a premarital counselor, or would like help enrolling in one of our premarital counseling programs, call anytime.

Kovan Family Therapy

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Kovan because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Kovan. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

marriage counseling for newlyweds

Best Places to Find Gay Couples Counseling

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.

Nov 21,1998

This was the day I had planned for and looked forward to from the time I was a little girl. I practiced by trying on my mother's wedding dress and veil, carrying her flowers and standing in front of the mirror to admire myself as a bride. This was the morning that I got up, went early to the salon to have my hair done, get dressed in my very own dress and veil, have pictures taken with my new husband, parents and newly extended family. It was a perfect snowy day. Big flakes falling down, creating the perfect winter wonderland that I'd wanted for our special day. My dad walked me down the aisle, gave me away to my husband, we said our vows, promises made and the deal was sealed. Finally married. It was a great day. One of the best, most fun weddings that we had ever been to. Snowmen centre pieces on the table, white mini lights twinkling around the room, ice cream wedding cake, winter wonderland, happy people helping us celebrate our day. It ended with us falling into bed, tired, happy, laughing about the funny events of the day, it had turned out to be the perfect wedding day. Perfect start to the rest of our happily ever after...or so I thought.

Nov 21, 2014 Anniversary #16

This was the first anniversary after I had found out that our marriage was not all that I thought it was. Our 16th Anniversary. In the last couple of years I had felt the shift in our relationship. I felt like there was something else going on in my husbands life that he wasn't sharing with me. He was working longer hours, spending less time at home, when he was home he stayed up later and later often coming to bed well after I had fallen asleep. I began to wonder if the thing in his life that he wasn't sharing was another relationship. I asked if there was another woman in his life, and he said no there wasn't. For awhile, I chalked it up to me being busy with the kids and their activities and him busy with the company and work.

This first anniversary after finding out that he had been with someone else, I didn't want to celebrate. I wanted to forget the day and have it be just another day in November. That didn't happen. Friends of ours wanted to go out an celebrate the evening. So because I hadn't told my friend what I had found out, she knew nothing and figured it would be a great couples night out. I just wanted the day to be over so I could go to sleep and not think anymore about how those things that he had promised me on this day 16 years ago, now didn't mean shit to me anymore. Celebrating felt like a lie, and at this point I was so tired of lies that I didn't want to tell anymore. I didn't want to pretend that this day still meant the same to me anymore. I just felt empty and sad.


Nov 21, 2015

I've been dreading this day again, since the beginning of the month. I wish I had some excuse to be away but I don't. So I've let it slip by and at some point maybe my husband will notice that the day got past us or he won't. Maybe he's remembered too and knows that it's a day that he just best leave alone. He doesn't understand that he has ruined this special day for me. I don't wear my wedding rings anymore because he broke those promises that he made with them. When he told me he wanted to save our marriage, he wanted me to stay, he loved me but then lied to me some more. He told me last year that he wouldn't hurt me anymore, that our marriage was worth fighting for. He lied and continued to have an online affair with a much younger woman in the States. I found out in January that he had gone to be with her. He told me he would end it. He lied. He asked me if I would give him a week to go, end things with her in June and then it would all be over. He lied, it wasn't over. He continued to be in contact with her. He lied to her too. He told her we were separated. In August, two months after I gave him his "hall pass", he went to see her again. He lied to me again, to go be with her. I cancelled our marriage counselling that he suggested, so he could fly out to go and see her. My instincts all along were telling me that he was lying.

I can't forget, the days leading up to him leaving to go be with her and the things he said. When he told me that he loved me and that he just wanted to get his work over and done with so that he could come home. I just wanted him to be honest. I wanted to believe what he was saying. I wanted to believe that maybe this anniversary maybe I would feel differently, and that the first affair was just a hiccup in our twenty three years together. I can't forget that he loved someone else besides me. I don't believe him now. I don't feel like he loves me, even though he says he does. I feel more empty and care less. I'm not going to worry about what he is doing anymore and just concentrate on living my life. I have two teenagers that I need to concentrate on raising, and not worry about how my in-laws failed to be upstanding parents and set a good example for their son. I don't know how many times, he expects that I will just keep forgiving what he was doing. I will stay married, because I meant the promises that I made. I don't think I can forgive his trip in August, I don't think I want to. I feel that the more chances and forgiveness that I give, the more he will take advantage of me.

So now this special day, that I once looked forward to, is just a day that I'd like to skip. Just a day like any of the other 365 days this year. If I can make it a couple of more hours without him realizing that today was our anniversary, and I don't have to explain to him why I just wanted to forget about it, would be great. I don't want to fight or try to explain to him my reasons, because he just doesn't get the hurt that he's caused me in the last year. I had hoped that I would feel differently after last year, and maybe if things had of gone differently then tonight would be different, and I would feel like celebrating like we did 17 years ago, with the snow falling down, with me in my dress and him in his tux. My little girl dreams were supposed to have lasted, but instead the fairytale ended and I'm navigating through reality. It sucks when the ending doesn't turn out the way you planned.

reactive attachment disorder in adults romantic relationships

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

Online Counseling For Couples

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Kovan :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

communication issue in relationship

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Kovan deal with them.

Married to a Passive Aggressive Person and What to Do

The Core Conditions


The three main core conditions that Carl Rogers considered essential for effective counselling are:

1. Unconditional Positive Regard. (UPR)

2. Empathy.

3. Congruence.

However in Roger’s paper “The necessary and sufficient conditions of Therapeutic personality change” he lists six conditions in total.

1. Two persons are in Psychological contact.

2. The first, whom we shall term the client, is in a state of incongruence, being vulnerable or anxious.

3. The second person, whom we shall term the therapist is congruence or integrated in the relationship.

4. The therapist experiences unconditional positive regard for the client.

5. The therapist experiences an empathic understanding of the clients internal frame of reference and endeavours to communicate this experience to the client.

6. The communication to the client of the therapist’s empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard is to a minimal degree achieved.

No other conditions are necessary . If these six conditions exist and continue over a period of time, this is sufficient…(Rogers Reader p221)

Unconditional Positive Regard, Empathy & Congruence are the counsellors or therapists conditions needed to facilitate change. Without these conditions being present a healing relationship cannot form. In the six conditions above we see that the client also has to ‘play ball’, Psychological contact is needed. If the client does not want to be there they are free to withdraw and the counselling processes cannot continue. The client too it seems needs to realise that there is something not working for them in their lives.

So what are these conditions? Roger's three core conditions for therapeutic change as explained by the good man himself:

"The first element could be called genuineness, realness, or congruence. The more the therapist is himself or herself in the relationship, putting up no professional front or personal facade, the greater is the likelihood that the client will change and grow in a constructive manner. This means that the therapist is openly being the feelings and attitudes that are flowing within at the moment. Thus, there is a close matching, or congruence, between what is being experienced at the gut level, what is present in awareness, and what is expressed to the client.

The second attitude of importance in creating a climate for change is acceptance, or caring, or prizing--what I have called 'unconditional positive regard.' When the therapist is experiencing a positive, acceptant attitude toward whatever the client is at that moment, therapeutic movement or change is more likely to occur. The therapist is willing for the client to be whatever immediate feeling is going on--confusion, resentment, fear, anger, courage, love, or pride. Such caring on the part of the therapist is non-possessive. The therapist prizes the client in a total rather than a conditional way.

The third facilitative aspect of the relationship is empathic understanding. This means that the therapist senses accurately the feelings and personal meanings that the client is experiencing and communicates this understanding to the client. When functioning best, the therapist is so much inside the private world of the other that he or she can clarify not only the meanings of which the client is aware but even those just below the level of awareness. This kind of sensitive, active listening is exceedingly rare in our lives. We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know."
(Rodgers, 1980)

There is a lot packed in to the above descriptions, at a glance it does not seem much but upon examining them closely the basic framework of Rogers counselling work is described.

Congruence

 

The first condition is named as congruence, realness, genuineness. That is to say that you are present and aware with the client. If we look back historically to the time Rogers was writing in the 1950’s I think he was saying to drop the facade of Doctor or Psychoanalyst to come out from behind the white coat and meet the person as another person, while still remaining in the role of therapist. My understanding of the therapeutic climate of the time is that the therapist took on an almost authoritarian role as a ‘fixer’ of a ‘broken’ patient. Rogers was the one who helped change the ‘Patient’ into a ‘Client’.

Once the client is treated as an equal communication will start. If the therapist comes across as an authority or an expert the client will start to tailor their answers to suit this. As Wilson points out in Prometheus Rising:

“Accurate communication is possible only in a non-punishing situation;
communication occurs only between equals”

I think that Rogers was also saying that we should be ‘real’ with who we are as a therapist. If we are only putting on the counsellor mask it will be picked up upon, much like when we visit a show room and get greeted by an over-zealous sales person, we can easily sense that they are not genuine or that they are only giving us attention because they are after a sale.

Unconditional Positive Regard:

 

Unconditional Positive Regard: UPR in a nutshell simply means that the counsellor listens in a non-judgmental warm way to the client. There are no conditions put upon the relationship. By taking this position in the relationship the client will be able to talk about what they are thinking and feeling without fearing a judgment or a rejection. It strikes me as ironic that one of the core conditions is a condition of unconditional positive regard. Nevertheless UPR is one of the bits of magic in the relationship that makes the listening and healing possible. It also ties in nicely or is on a similar continuum to congruence, as again communication occurs only between equals. Initially when I first came across this concept I wondered if I could hold it with all persons. I thought of an extreme case of an abuser, I wondered if I could hold this UPR? I thought about this and discovered that it is possible to separate the person from their behaviour. It is only when UPR is present that the client will trust the therapist enough to be open and honest about their inner world. I have faith in UPR so much so that no matter how much a person feels that they have slipped from society’s grace that they will be able to gain UPR for themselves and others and hopefully start anew. Rogers was quite wise to say that we all have potential for change up to the moment of our death. If find this concept wonderfully optimistic and applaud it.

Empathic Understanding

 

Empathy or empathic understanding is the next core condition. This is where the therapist picks up on the feelings of the client and reflects this back to the client. This is the process where the therapist can act as a support to the client by making them feel ‘as if’ the therapist is there experiencing their array of emotions. There is an expression that I like that illustrates empathic understanding the term is ‘Grok’ it’s taken from the novel ‘Stranger in a Strange Land’ (Heinlein, 1961), literally it means ‘to drink’ but is taken to mean 'understanding.' It is often used by programmers and other assorted computer geeks while discussing computer code. To ‘Grok’ means to become one with, understand and empathize with something or someone to the extent that the object or person becomes part of one’s sense self. I think that empathy in the person centred world is a ‘Groking’ of the other person, without getting so caught up in the experience that you react and become lost in it. Not to lose the ‘as if’ quality.

Do the Core Conditons Improve all relationships?

I am going to take a leap of faith and say that the core conditions do improve all relationships. I have all ready experienced the power of the conditions in my own personal counselling and have felt how powerful they are. Without a doubt in my mind I will say that within the therapeutic setting that they are essential for a healing relationship to occur.

I was debating with myself around the question of them improving
all relationships. Initially I thought that that this would not be the case so I decided to bring the conditions out into the playing field of life and experiment. I have been having a lot of fun with this. I decided to be congruent as far as its possible to be with anyone I met on the street for the last few weeks in as far giving a nod or saying ‘hullo’ if eye contact was made, rather than doing my usual paranoid ‘I’m too busy and important to be dealing with the likes of you’ walk. The response was phenomenal. One gent I’ve passed dozens of times while out walking my dog actually stopped for a chat for the first time, it consisted of no more than six words but it was a start. I’ve been getting smiles and salutes from perfect strangers when I pass them on my bike too. Saying that I’ve also encountered a few zombies too, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before contact is made. I think that time is a dimension of a relationship that gets overlooked sometimes, trust can take time.

Personal Anxiety & Fear

I have also recently had the fortune of being harassed by the local teenagers that live in the council estate adjacent to my house. As my house is the first house on the corner our cars get targeted frequently, windows smashed, set alight, stolen etc ... I saw some teenagers out in the garden the other night and went out to them. My usual approach is to tell them to clear off, usually in colourful language, this time however I went out and tried out the magic of unconditional positive regard with them. I met them as people rather than ‘bloody hooded youths’ and asked them what they were up to? This was taken as an accusation, I told them that I wasn’t blaming them for anything, only that we had been getting vandalised and that since they were in my garden I had a right to ask them what they were doing there. I asked them what they were doing out on such a cold night and they said that they where board. They had nothing on that night. I asked them what they thought should be there for them to do and one of them was quite keen on a racetrack another on somewhere to play ‘Xbox’. Admittedly one of the girls launched into a rant about how “youse (the people in the new houses) moved into our area and we’re going to smash up your stuff and houses and you until you all move away” and “ ‘cos you are the corner house that you are going to get it ‘cos your easy to run away from”, rather than rising to this bait I reflected this back to them saying that I understood that they were upset and felt like smashing up the place but asked them if they thought that this was fair? After some time they said that no it wasn’t fair but that it would probably continue. To cut a long story short I returned to my house and thought that I had made no head way with them. However, I felt that I had made some with myself. I lost my fear of the ‘youths’ and gained an understanding that these people are just board children that lack boundaries and parental control in their lives. This has made living here less scary for me and this was only through having UPR, empathy and congruence present in my dialogue with them that this change in me occurred. As a foot note to this story, the next night 12 cars on the road got their windscreens smashed, mine however was not one of them yippee! – perhaps I did get through in some small way!

More Fear and Loathing

Something similar happened again but this time with a group of younger teens from the area. Without going into too much story I started to apply the core conditions to my dealings with them whenever I had cause to. It really has made a huge difference with them. I realise that they were picking up on my distrust and judgement of their behaviour; once I started to meet them as real people I have had very little hassle with them. In fact they will now come up and chat the way children do whenever I am out working in the garden or on the cars. The other morning when I went to walk the dog there was a small group of them sitting on the wall. Rather than getting the usual dirty looks I got a ‘howareya mister!’ from them. So I can say that even in the most difficult relationships no matter how troubled they seem, using the core conditions will help improve them for the better. Perhaps only small steps at a time but steps towards something better never the less.

 

Bibliography

 

Heinlein, R. A. (1961). Stranger in a Strange Land. Berkley Publishing Group.

O'Farrell, U. (Reprint 2001). First Steps in Counselling. Dublin: Veritas.

Rogers, C. (1980). Way of Being. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

Rogers, C. (2005). The Carl Rogers Reader edited by Kirschenbaum & Henderson. London: Counstable & Robertson.

Sanders, P. (2006). The Person Centred Counselling Primer. Trowbridge, UK: Cromwell Press.

Wilson, R. A. (1994). Prometheus Rising. Arizona: Falcon.

Lorong Chuan Jealousy Issues

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Lorong Chuan because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Lorong Chuan. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

relationship problem solution

Verbal Emotional Abuse

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.

The Best Ways To Deal With These Nag Nag Nag Wife Creatures

As married life goes it naturally has it's ups and downs and it's when the downs seem to make life really depressed is when this sort of behaviour needs to be addressed. If you don't want to read on then consider 10 ways to Dump someone with some funny ideas for Dumping that irritating boyfriend or girlfriend!

A nagging wife is someone who has gotten quite comfortable at dishing out the orders, you know the type, the ones who leave the list of jobs that need doing as soon as on the fridge in the form of a post it.

These horrible wife creatures must be stopped and I believe I've come up with 9 top ways to deal with a nagging wife, so take notes, you never know when you'll need to refer back to these 9 tips for effective wife management.

Number 1: Always create a space for yourself, a shed, a room. Somewhere to retreat from the nagging when it erupts. Your best hobby is done in this safe haven from the nightmare naggers.

Every bloke should have a hobby to counteract the nagging of a wife.

Number 2: When you feel the nag is about to happen, just go out to the pub, or go for a walk, the key here is to be consistent so that every time a nag is about to occur you just get out of the way.

This makes sense, because it saves wasted energy all around and if you are out of the way, then you will not hear it!

Number 3: Ignore the nagging, when she says stuff that needs to change or the things that need doing it's time to either act like you're deaf or just plain ignore her and all she stands for when it comes to the nagging, she'll either get bored because there is no reaction and the nagging ends or she may get pissed off.

So in the event she might get a little angry that you don't listen, then obtain a hearing aid and hatch a small plan to fake a hearing problem, this is a good tactic I recommend you do to combat this terrible affliction, she'll more than likely not bother and just hand you a list of jobs and for that my friends a white walking stick and mr magoo style glasses come in very handy!!

Number 4: When us men are about to be nagged to death we sort of sense it like a sixth sense, so in the event of such an outcome, you could compliment your wife and this cleverly distracts her and she'll just forget for the time being about the prospect of nagging you.

These little compliments can be staggered throughout the week and can be part of an overall plan of gift showering and that sort of thing, although don't overdo it as this could cause more stress later on down the line with such things as they might wonder why you are giving them all of this attention and you are playing the game away from home.

So just be careful with this one, you don't want to be playing into their hands too much!

Number 5: Keep them busy, always try to keep the nagging at bay by taking them out for dinner or just doing something together, with a bit of luck this will also stop them from nagging you because this might be something they nagged you about, so try and second guess them and nip it in the bud before the nag rot sets in.

Number 6: Counteract the nagging by nagging back, this could be called an argument in some parts of the world, but it really isn't, as you are only giving her a taste of her own poisonous medicine.

Nag back at her about the fact of her nagging you, you never know this may stop her from nagging again, or it could be grounds for a future divorce, either way you'll feel better for it.

Number 7: Laugh at her nagging face!

This is one of my favourites as it unsettles them into just shutting the hell up,they get frustrated about the fact that you laughed at them. When they try to nag again immediately after you laughed ....just laugh louder this time!

Number 8: Slap them in the face with a piece of candy floss, don't worry it won't hurt, this just adds to the drama of being nagged, with a bit of luck a piece of candy floss will get stuck on their lips and you could simply lick it off.

Get rid of the nagging with a bit of candy floss kinkyness!!

Lastly number 9: When they are about to nag...say hey look at that dress and your hair...I love it! you really are the best wife in the world and quite sexy too why don't we just hop into a sack and do our very own special dance whilst laying down!

I may revise this list in time as I may come up with some better tips to replace the current ones. But at present these are the best for the current times of nagging wifey misses!!

common challenges in marriage

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

Three Signs of A Successful Marriage

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Lorong Chuan :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

dealing with low self esteem in relationships

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Lorong Chuan deal with them.

When to Seek Marriage Counseling

The Best Ways To Deal With These Nag Nag Nag Wife Creatures

As married life goes it naturally has it's ups and downs and it's when the downs seem to make life really depressed is when this sort of behaviour needs to be addressed. If you don't want to read on then consider 10 ways to Dump someone with some funny ideas for Dumping that irritating boyfriend or girlfriend!

A nagging wife is someone who has gotten quite comfortable at dishing out the orders, you know the type, the ones who leave the list of jobs that need doing as soon as on the fridge in the form of a post it.

These horrible wife creatures must be stopped and I believe I've come up with 9 top ways to deal with a nagging wife, so take notes, you never know when you'll need to refer back to these 9 tips for effective wife management.

Number 1: Always create a space for yourself, a shed, a room. Somewhere to retreat from the nagging when it erupts. Your best hobby is done in this safe haven from the nightmare naggers.

Every bloke should have a hobby to counteract the nagging of a wife.

Number 2: When you feel the nag is about to happen, just go out to the pub, or go for a walk, the key here is to be consistent so that every time a nag is about to occur you just get out of the way.

This makes sense, because it saves wasted energy all around and if you are out of the way, then you will not hear it!

Number 3: Ignore the nagging, when she says stuff that needs to change or the things that need doing it's time to either act like you're deaf or just plain ignore her and all she stands for when it comes to the nagging, she'll either get bored because there is no reaction and the nagging ends or she may get pissed off.

So in the event she might get a little angry that you don't listen, then obtain a hearing aid and hatch a small plan to fake a hearing problem, this is a good tactic I recommend you do to combat this terrible affliction, she'll more than likely not bother and just hand you a list of jobs and for that my friends a white walking stick and mr magoo style glasses come in very handy!!

Number 4: When us men are about to be nagged to death we sort of sense it like a sixth sense, so in the event of such an outcome, you could compliment your wife and this cleverly distracts her and she'll just forget for the time being about the prospect of nagging you.

These little compliments can be staggered throughout the week and can be part of an overall plan of gift showering and that sort of thing, although don't overdo it as this could cause more stress later on down the line with such things as they might wonder why you are giving them all of this attention and you are playing the game away from home.

So just be careful with this one, you don't want to be playing into their hands too much!

Number 5: Keep them busy, always try to keep the nagging at bay by taking them out for dinner or just doing something together, with a bit of luck this will also stop them from nagging you because this might be something they nagged you about, so try and second guess them and nip it in the bud before the nag rot sets in.

Number 6: Counteract the nagging by nagging back, this could be called an argument in some parts of the world, but it really isn't, as you are only giving her a taste of her own poisonous medicine.

Nag back at her about the fact of her nagging you, you never know this may stop her from nagging again, or it could be grounds for a future divorce, either way you'll feel better for it.

Number 7: Laugh at her nagging face!

This is one of my favourites as it unsettles them into just shutting the hell up,they get frustrated about the fact that you laughed at them. When they try to nag again immediately after you laughed ....just laugh louder this time!

Number 8: Slap them in the face with a piece of candy floss, don't worry it won't hurt, this just adds to the drama of being nagged, with a bit of luck a piece of candy floss will get stuck on their lips and you could simply lick it off.

Get rid of the nagging with a bit of candy floss kinkyness!!

Lastly number 9: When they are about to nag...say hey look at that dress and your hair...I love it! you really are the best wife in the world and quite sexy too why don't we just hop into a sack and do our very own special dance whilst laying down!

I may revise this list in time as I may come up with some better tips to replace the current ones. But at present these are the best for the current times of nagging wifey misses!!

Punggol Infidelity

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Punggol because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Punggol. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

problems of premarital relationship

Person Centred Counselling and the Core Conditions

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.


In our modern era, much of what is important happens online. Bills, shopping, relationships, and more. So of course, our modern couples are interested to know if they can meet online for premarital counseling too.


Here at Growing Self we’ve been pioneering online marriage counseling, online life coaching, and online therapy for years. So doing online premarital counseling is naturally an option that we offer.
In fact, doing online premarital counseling works extremely well for many couples. This is especially true for couples where one (or both) people frequently travel, who have busy schedules, who live in rural areas with few options for premarital counseling locally, or who may live long distance from each other.


Our model of premarital counseling is particularly effective in an online format, because it’s structured. We help you strengthen your relationship in six main areas:


How to help each other feel loved and respected
How to communicate with each other
How to deal with inevitable conflict constructively, without it turning into a fight
How to grow together, for an interesting, fresh, enjoyable marriage
How to get on the same page about important things like money, parenting and more


Depending on your relationship’s strengths and “growth opportunities,” we can help you both learn key skills for achieving peace and harmony in all or a few of those areas. Or you may have other things on your mind that you’d like to address and resolve before getting married. That is completely fine too. We can adjust our process to fit your needs.


As well as online premarital counseling works for many of our couples, there are situations where it is not a good idea. If you are having major issues in your relationship where there is a lot of anger and emotional reactivity, or you are dealing with more serious concerns like drug or alcohol addiction, or domestic violence, you should seek help from a qualified provider in your community.
But under most circumstances, meeting online for premarital counseling works beautifully.

Here’s how it works: We see couples for premarital counseling online through Skype, FaceTime and Google Hangouts. If you would like to meet in person at one of our Denver area locations (Denver / Cherry Creek, Broomfield, or Denver Tech Center) that is also an option. Some couples like to do a combination of in-person and online premarital counseling. Either way, the first step in getting started with online premarital counseling, either with our “I DO!” premarital program, or private premarital counseling is to schedule a free consultation session with one of the expert marriage counselors on our team.  


After you schedule your consultation (either by calling our 24/7 receptionist, or through our online calendar) your premarital counselor will be following up with you to get your online contact information. They’ll call you at the time of your appointment. If you are doing a three way call, the premarital counselor will call both of you at the same time. 


If you have more questions about premarital counseling at Growing Self, would like to get matched with a premarital counselor, or would like help enrolling in one of our premarital counseling programs, call anytime.

low cost marriage counseling

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

Married to a Passive Aggressive Person and What to Do

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Punggol :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

therapy for relationship issues

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Punggol deal with them.

Person Centred Counselling and the Core Conditions

If you’re a gay couple who is experiencing relationship distress or seeking enrichment for your partnership, then couples counseling can be a fantastic venue to explore to strengthen your bond, resolve relational issues, and promote greater love and commitment.

Once taboo, the stigma associated with counseling has, thankfully, begun to decline in recent decades, and it can even be considered trendy to have a therapist collaborating with you to manage life’s ups and downs.

But when you’re gay, it can be a bit challenging finding resources to ensure the therapist you choose to help you with your problems is actually gay-friendly, affirmative, and well-trained in LGBT issues. While some relationship struggles are universal among all people, gay relationships also have some unique dynamics that are best served working with a professional who has the education, training, and skill in being able to help with our particular needs.


Here are the six best places to find gay counseling as well as some of my top tips for making sure you have a successful experience.


Best Places to Find Counseling for Gay Couples
Below are a variety of places to help you narrow down your search and make your selection of a therapist less cumbersome and more targeted to your situational needs.


1. The GLBT National Help Center
The GLBT National Help Center is a very valuable resource to have on hand! If you’re in crisis and you need to speak to someone, this organization is available to offer caring support from people who understand the unique needs and issues of our LGBT community. It also holds a powerful database of referrals and resources for gay-friendly organizations and services, including couples counselors, in your area.


2. The Association for Marriage & Family Therapists
It is the professional association for marriage and family therapists who have been specifically trained in relationship issues. Housed here is a therapist locator by state, city, and zip code.


3. The Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors & Therapists
Oftentimes, sexual issues can accompany relationship problems for many couples. AASECT is the professional association for sexuality professionals specifically trained and certified in sexuality issues. Here is a therapist locator by state.


4. Psychology Today’s Therapist Database
Currently one of the largest find-a-therapist online referral search engines available, Psychology Today can help you find a counselor by selecting your city and state and choosing among a variety of topical issues and specializations the counselors have.


5. The Gay Lesbian International Therapist Search Engine
GLITSE is a long-standing referral search engine to help you find an LGBT therapist suitable for your needs.


6. Contact Your Health Insurance Provider for a Referral to a Couples Therapist
Reach out to your health insurance provider and request some referrals to therapists in your area who specialize in work with the LGBT population. Keep in mind not all insurance companies cover couples counseling, so you may have to pay out of pocket.


Another option is to ask your employer if you have an employee assistance program. If so, you may have counseling services available as a free benefit to you and similarly to a health insurance provider, you may request referrals from the EAP to an LGBT counselor.

Sengkang Pre Wedding Counseling

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Sengkang because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Sengkang. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

having trust in a relationship

Relationship Issues With Many Gay Lesbian Couples

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.

Marriage:

Marriage is the approved social pattern whereby two to more persons establish a family. It involves not only the right to conceive and rear children, but also a host of other obligation and privileges affecting a good many people.

The real meaning of marriage is the acceptance of a new status, with a new set of privileges and obligations, and the recognition of this new status by others. A legal marriage legitimizes a social status and creates a set of legally recognized rights and duties.

Marriage is one of the oldest socially recognized institution and essential for the procreation of children and satisfaction of our sexual urges. In different societies there are different methods of marriage. Some of the societies allow a male to marry only a single female whereas in other societies a husband is allowed to have more than one wife. Similarly some societies will not allow a woman to have more than one husband whereas other societies will not mind a woman having more than one husband. In some cases the parent arranges the marriage whereas in others the boys and girls arrange their marriage.

 Definition of Marriage:  Marriageis a term for social relationships of husband and wife or of plural mates. Also used for the ceremony of uniting marital partners.

Mate Selection:

It refers to the finding of spouse by man and woman. There are two methods given as :

  1. Exogamy: When a person marries outside one’s group, caste, religion, class or race. It is attributed as exogamy. In the modern times this marriage is mostly in practice.
  2. Endogamy: When a person marries inside one’s group, caste, religion, class or race. It is known as endogamy. This kind of marriage is practice mostly in the rural areas of Pakistan, Afghanistan.

Form of Marriage

Different societies have different views for the social recognition and approval of marriage. That is the reason why we find different of marriages. The main types of marriage are given below:

  1. Monogamy: One person is allowed to marry once.
  2. Polygamy: Person ( man or woman ) is allowed to marry more than once.
  1. Polygyny:  A husband is permitted to have more than one wife at one time.
  2. Polyandry: A woman marries to more than one man at a time .
  3. Fraternal polyandry: When a woman is considered and treated as the wife of all the brothers living in the family and the offspring is considered to be the son/daughter of the eldest brother.
  4. Non-fraternal polyandry: In this form a woman is supposed to have more than one husband.
  1. Group marriage: The brothers are required to marry with the sisters living together.
  2. Experimental marriage: In such a marriage the couple should be allowed to come together and freely mix and meet to understand each other before their marriage.
  3. Inter caste marriage: A man marries a woman with in a caste. Like in India.
  4. Anuloma: When the men of higher castes are allowed to marry the women of lower castes is called anuloma.
  5. Pratiloma: When the women of higher castes marry to the men of lower castes are called Pratiloma.
  6. Hyper-gamy & hypo-gamy: A man belonging to the nobility is allowed to marry a woman of lower social status is called Hyper-gamy. But when a woman of higher social status is marrying a man of lower social status is called Hypo-gamy.
  7. Sororate marriage: If the wife is died. After the death, the husband marries this deceased wife’s sister.
  8. Levirate marriage: When the husband is died. After the death the wife marries her deceased husband’s brother.
  9. Marriage by elopement: If a boy and girl run away and marry against the choice of their parents. They marry either in court or other place.
  10. Compassionate Marriage: The dissolution of marriage by mutual consents, due to having no children.
  11. Arranged Marriage: The marriage, which is arranged by the consent of both sides parent.
  12. Love Marriage: The system under which the youngsters themselves select their life partners is called love marriage.
  13. Swara Marriage: It’s a common marriage in Pukhtoon society.

Functions of Marriage

  1. Social Recognition: Marriage gives social recognition to all sexual relationships, which otherwise would have many social problems. Marriage alone makes the society accept the relationship of boy and girl, as husband and wife.
  2. Procreation of Children: Then another function of the marriage is to have legitimate children; The children born as a result of socially recognized marriage are accepted by the society as legitimate and legal heirs to the property and other assets of the family.
  3. Sense of Sympathy: After the marriage alone the husband and wife and their children develop a sense of sympathy for each other and they begin to share each other’s joys and sorrows. They sacrifice for the sake of each other.
  4. Basis of Family: Then another function of marriage is that it is the basis of family life. As we all know that after marriage family comes into being and with that the virtues of all the family life emerge in the society.
  5. Stability in Relationship: After marriage alone relationships come into being e.g. the relationship of husband and wife, son or daughter, father in law and mother in law or that of grandfather and grandmother etc. these relations get stabilized with the passage of time but only after marriage but not before marriage.
  6. Perpetuation of Lineage: It is after marriage that there is desire to perpetuate the name of the family. The children perpetuate the names of their parents and then come grandchildren, great grand children etc. After some time then there is a desire to perpetuate the lineage of the family and it at any stage in the family there are no offshoots, then every effort is made to have then, so that the name of the family continues.

In this way each family has very important and basic functions to perform. Without these functions our whole social system would failed and would resulting many social problems. Then marriage alone has helped in maintaing high moral standards of which any society can really feel proud.

dealing with low self esteem in relationships

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

9 Ways To Deal With A Nagging Wife

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Sengkang :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

sharing marital problems with friends

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Sengkang deal with them.

Best Places to Find Gay Couples Counseling


Suffice it to say, there is no doubt that people enter into their relationships with the best of intentions. No one really imagines that the next relationship that they are going to be in is going to end up filled with problems. Yet, we all know that this tends to happen. Sometimes we can work through those problems and make the relationship stronger in the end, and sometimes we can't and that is when they come to an end.

Just because you might be having problems with your girlfriend, it does not mean that you have to hang your head in despair. There are ways to constructively work through any issues that you might have. And just think to yourself, when you do work through those problems, you will know that your relationship is that much stronger, which is a good thing for you.


One of the things that people seem to forget, is that just because you are having problems in a relationship... that alone is not a sign that it has to end. If everyone that came together were to break up just because of a few problems in the relationship, well, you probably would not be here today. Still, there are some situations where the only course that a relationship can really take IS for it to end, so you need to weight out which decision is going to be right for You.
Here are some common situations where relationships can easily survive:


1. You are having a hard time coming together on certain issues.
No two people are going to agree on everything. Yet, many couples try to do this, and when it does not happen... they think that it means that they are not compatible. For example, you might have a completely different take on what is fun for you than your girlfriend does, and that can cause some friction. However, that does not mean that you have to end the relationship. It may mean that you have to learn how to compromise on certain things and be open to trying new things.


2. You are finding that you don't have enough time to spend together.
We all go through different waves in our lives, sometimes we have a lot of free time and sometimes it seems like we have none. This can affect the relationships that we are. On the other hand, if you truly love being with someone and it is a situation that can and will get better, than this is certainly not the biggest issue that you have to deal with. You can find a way to schedule in some good one on one time and make sure that the two of you do not grow apart.


3 Steps to Patch Things Up You need to have a strategy in place if you are going to be SERIOUS about working out any relationship issues that you may have. To think that they will just magically go away is not just wishful thinking at it's worst, it is a recipe for disaster. Yet, so many people do take on the lazy and passive approach of just sitting back and hoping that they will somehow be able to solve their relationship problems.

Here is a 3 step strategy that works to solve your relationship issues:

Step One - Identify What the Issue Really Is Sometimes you might have a symptom of a much larger issue that is nagging at you. For example, an argument over her going out with her friends on a Friday night might really have an underlying cause of you being worried that she will end up cheating on you. To solve the problem, you need to identify what the issue really is. Look as deep as you can.

Step Two - Talk Things Out With Your Girlfriend So many relationships come to a spectacularly pathetic finish because the two people just do not know how to talk things out. If you are not willing to see your relationship dissolve... then you need to sit your girlfriend down and talk to her. That way, you know what she is feeling and she knows what you are feeling and the two of you can come to a mutual understanding of what each other really wants.

Step Three - Work on Spicing Things Up in the Relationship This is important, because when a relationship becomes boring and mechanical, most people are not really willing to put in the work that they have to in order to keep themselves together. You have to work on making your girlfriend feel REALLY attracted to you, so that she feels like she always wants to work things out instead of ending the relationship.


Trust Issues With My Girlfriend - How Can I Make Her Feel Like She Can Trust Me?
Trust issues can literally make or break relationships, so the fact that you want to be able to get things figured out and you want to know how to make your girlfriend feel like she can trust you is a good thing. If more men figured out that this is something that they should work on, there would be far fewer guys wondering why their girlfriend broke up with them. So, it is a very good thing that you want to be able to find a way to make your girlfriend feel like she definitely can place her trust in you.


However, there is one thing that you should know and that is, you really can't "make" your girlfriend trust you. Trust is not something that you can force upon someone else, it is something that you earn.

Serangoon wedding therapy

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Serangoon because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Serangoon. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

therapy for relationship issues

Online Counseling For Couples

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.

It's All About Him!

If you are dating a narcissistic man, then you probably realise by now that your life is inconsequential to him.

Nothing is ever about you, it is all about him.

Narcissists are master manipulators who don’t have a grip on reality.

They are distrusting, suspicious, abusive and controlling of their partners.

Often living in a state of denial, narcissists may also be suffering from mental health problems, aside from their personality disorder.

This can lead to them being psychologically unstable. Over a period of time, you may even begin to sense that they are 'not normal.' Their reactions will appear totally alien to you.

When confronted about their behaviour, the narcissist is never at fault. It will always be your fault. They fail to realise that there will inevitably be consequences for their bad behaviour. As they are never in the wrong, you must be the one to blame.

Be prepared for drama, drama and more drama!

Dating a narcissistic man is a rollercoaster of emotions.

Diagnosing NPD

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms

Clinical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder requires five or more of the following traits to be exhibited:

  1. Has a grandiose sense of self- importance (e.g. exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
  2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
  3. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
  4. Requires excessive admiration.
  5. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.
  6. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
  7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
  8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
  9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Cluster B Personality Disorders

  • Antisocial Personality Disorder

    Exhibits a pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

  • Borderline Personality Disorder

    Exhibits a pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity.

  • Histrionic Personality Disorder

    Exhibits a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking.

  • Narcissistic Personality Disorder

    Exhibits a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.

Narcissistic Dating

In the early stages of a relationship the Narc comes across as confident, charming, attentive and loving.

In fact, he worships the ground you walk on. You just can’t believe your luck.

This guy is just too good to be true.

And there ladies, is your Aha! moment.

Your first red flag.

This guy IS too good to be true!

It will be a whirlwind romance of his orchestration.

He will tell you that he loves you and soon begins making plans for your ‘happy ever after' ’life together that exists only in his fantasy world.

He has no real intention of ever delivering on his promises.

Narcissistic Traits

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a Cluster B personality disorder.

Therefore, it is not uncommon for a narcissist to exhibit traits that are prevalent in the other personality disorders as there is often some degree of overlap.

A narcissist typically exhibits a lack of:

  • Empathy
  • Accountability
  • Compassion
  • Remorse

They also display many of the following characteristics:

  • Self centred / self absorbed
  • Selfish
  • Grandiose
  • Arrogant
  • Conceited
  • Vain
  • Envious
  • Manipulative
  • Controlling
  • Deceitful
  • Exploitative
  • Reckless
  • Impulsive
  • Insensitive
  • Impatient
  • Cruel

Further Reading On Narcissism

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms

Narcissistic Personality Disorder sufferers can be arrogant, self centred, demanding, manipulative, cocky and lacking empathy for others. With an inflated sense of their own importance they have a deep need for admiration

Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Men

Narcissistic men can totally destroy your life. They are manipulative, self absorbed and lack empathy for anyone else. If you're dating a guy who thinks it's "all about me" then you should get out fast. He is capable of destroying your sanity as well as your bank balance!

Breaking Up With A Narcissistic Man

The hardest part of breaking up with a narcissistic man can be the utter lack of comprehension.

What happened to the charming man who swept me off our feet?

Who is this monster standing before me?

Was it something I did?

What if I’d done things differently?

The list is endless.

Obsessing about the breakup is an unnecessary drain on your emotions.

In truth, dating a narcissist is emotionally exhausting.

You are trying to make sense of the nonsensical.

Stop analysing every detail because none of it will ever make any sense to you.

Narcissists do not behave rationally.

Therefore, you cannot possibly hope to derive a rational explanation from an irrational situation.

Surviving A Narcissistic Relationship

Here are a few parting words of encouragement:

  • Know Your Self Worth – If you don’t value yourself then he never will.
  • Set Your Boundaries - and stick to them. If you repeatedly allow him to cross your boundaries do you honestly believe that is an incentive for him to stop?
  • Actions Speak Louder Than Words – The way someone behaves reveals far more about them, than what they actually say. The Narc knows exactly what you want to hear. He is full of false promises that he simply has no intention of carrying out. He simply can’t you see. You are dating a narcissistic man!

Disclaimer

Please note that this hub is not intended for use as a source of professional, psychological or medical advice but is provided solely for informational purposes.

Readers are advised to seek the services of competent professionals in these fields.

dealing with low self esteem in relationships

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

Anniversaries After the Affair

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Serangoon :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

discussing relationship problems with family

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Serangoon deal with them.

Relationship Issues With Many Gay Lesbian Couples

The Core Conditions


The three main core conditions that Carl Rogers considered essential for effective counselling are:

1. Unconditional Positive Regard. (UPR)

2. Empathy.

3. Congruence.

However in Roger’s paper “The necessary and sufficient conditions of Therapeutic personality change” he lists six conditions in total.

1. Two persons are in Psychological contact.

2. The first, whom we shall term the client, is in a state of incongruence, being vulnerable or anxious.

3. The second person, whom we shall term the therapist is congruence or integrated in the relationship.

4. The therapist experiences unconditional positive regard for the client.

5. The therapist experiences an empathic understanding of the clients internal frame of reference and endeavours to communicate this experience to the client.

6. The communication to the client of the therapist’s empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard is to a minimal degree achieved.

No other conditions are necessary . If these six conditions exist and continue over a period of time, this is sufficient…(Rogers Reader p221)

Unconditional Positive Regard, Empathy & Congruence are the counsellors or therapists conditions needed to facilitate change. Without these conditions being present a healing relationship cannot form. In the six conditions above we see that the client also has to ‘play ball’, Psychological contact is needed. If the client does not want to be there they are free to withdraw and the counselling processes cannot continue. The client too it seems needs to realise that there is something not working for them in their lives.

So what are these conditions? Roger's three core conditions for therapeutic change as explained by the good man himself:

"The first element could be called genuineness, realness, or congruence. The more the therapist is himself or herself in the relationship, putting up no professional front or personal facade, the greater is the likelihood that the client will change and grow in a constructive manner. This means that the therapist is openly being the feelings and attitudes that are flowing within at the moment. Thus, there is a close matching, or congruence, between what is being experienced at the gut level, what is present in awareness, and what is expressed to the client.

The second attitude of importance in creating a climate for change is acceptance, or caring, or prizing--what I have called 'unconditional positive regard.' When the therapist is experiencing a positive, acceptant attitude toward whatever the client is at that moment, therapeutic movement or change is more likely to occur. The therapist is willing for the client to be whatever immediate feeling is going on--confusion, resentment, fear, anger, courage, love, or pride. Such caring on the part of the therapist is non-possessive. The therapist prizes the client in a total rather than a conditional way.

The third facilitative aspect of the relationship is empathic understanding. This means that the therapist senses accurately the feelings and personal meanings that the client is experiencing and communicates this understanding to the client. When functioning best, the therapist is so much inside the private world of the other that he or she can clarify not only the meanings of which the client is aware but even those just below the level of awareness. This kind of sensitive, active listening is exceedingly rare in our lives. We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know."
(Rodgers, 1980)

There is a lot packed in to the above descriptions, at a glance it does not seem much but upon examining them closely the basic framework of Rogers counselling work is described.

Congruence

 

The first condition is named as congruence, realness, genuineness. That is to say that you are present and aware with the client. If we look back historically to the time Rogers was writing in the 1950’s I think he was saying to drop the facade of Doctor or Psychoanalyst to come out from behind the white coat and meet the person as another person, while still remaining in the role of therapist. My understanding of the therapeutic climate of the time is that the therapist took on an almost authoritarian role as a ‘fixer’ of a ‘broken’ patient. Rogers was the one who helped change the ‘Patient’ into a ‘Client’.

Once the client is treated as an equal communication will start. If the therapist comes across as an authority or an expert the client will start to tailor their answers to suit this. As Wilson points out in Prometheus Rising:

“Accurate communication is possible only in a non-punishing situation;
communication occurs only between equals”

I think that Rogers was also saying that we should be ‘real’ with who we are as a therapist. If we are only putting on the counsellor mask it will be picked up upon, much like when we visit a show room and get greeted by an over-zealous sales person, we can easily sense that they are not genuine or that they are only giving us attention because they are after a sale.

Unconditional Positive Regard:

 

Unconditional Positive Regard: UPR in a nutshell simply means that the counsellor listens in a non-judgmental warm way to the client. There are no conditions put upon the relationship. By taking this position in the relationship the client will be able to talk about what they are thinking and feeling without fearing a judgment or a rejection. It strikes me as ironic that one of the core conditions is a condition of unconditional positive regard. Nevertheless UPR is one of the bits of magic in the relationship that makes the listening and healing possible. It also ties in nicely or is on a similar continuum to congruence, as again communication occurs only between equals. Initially when I first came across this concept I wondered if I could hold it with all persons. I thought of an extreme case of an abuser, I wondered if I could hold this UPR? I thought about this and discovered that it is possible to separate the person from their behaviour. It is only when UPR is present that the client will trust the therapist enough to be open and honest about their inner world. I have faith in UPR so much so that no matter how much a person feels that they have slipped from society’s grace that they will be able to gain UPR for themselves and others and hopefully start anew. Rogers was quite wise to say that we all have potential for change up to the moment of our death. If find this concept wonderfully optimistic and applaud it.

Empathic Understanding

 

Empathy or empathic understanding is the next core condition. This is where the therapist picks up on the feelings of the client and reflects this back to the client. This is the process where the therapist can act as a support to the client by making them feel ‘as if’ the therapist is there experiencing their array of emotions. There is an expression that I like that illustrates empathic understanding the term is ‘Grok’ it’s taken from the novel ‘Stranger in a Strange Land’ (Heinlein, 1961), literally it means ‘to drink’ but is taken to mean 'understanding.' It is often used by programmers and other assorted computer geeks while discussing computer code. To ‘Grok’ means to become one with, understand and empathize with something or someone to the extent that the object or person becomes part of one’s sense self. I think that empathy in the person centred world is a ‘Groking’ of the other person, without getting so caught up in the experience that you react and become lost in it. Not to lose the ‘as if’ quality.

Do the Core Conditons Improve all relationships?

I am going to take a leap of faith and say that the core conditions do improve all relationships. I have all ready experienced the power of the conditions in my own personal counselling and have felt how powerful they are. Without a doubt in my mind I will say that within the therapeutic setting that they are essential for a healing relationship to occur.

I was debating with myself around the question of them improving
all relationships. Initially I thought that that this would not be the case so I decided to bring the conditions out into the playing field of life and experiment. I have been having a lot of fun with this. I decided to be congruent as far as its possible to be with anyone I met on the street for the last few weeks in as far giving a nod or saying ‘hullo’ if eye contact was made, rather than doing my usual paranoid ‘I’m too busy and important to be dealing with the likes of you’ walk. The response was phenomenal. One gent I’ve passed dozens of times while out walking my dog actually stopped for a chat for the first time, it consisted of no more than six words but it was a start. I’ve been getting smiles and salutes from perfect strangers when I pass them on my bike too. Saying that I’ve also encountered a few zombies too, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before contact is made. I think that time is a dimension of a relationship that gets overlooked sometimes, trust can take time.

Personal Anxiety & Fear

I have also recently had the fortune of being harassed by the local teenagers that live in the council estate adjacent to my house. As my house is the first house on the corner our cars get targeted frequently, windows smashed, set alight, stolen etc ... I saw some teenagers out in the garden the other night and went out to them. My usual approach is to tell them to clear off, usually in colourful language, this time however I went out and tried out the magic of unconditional positive regard with them. I met them as people rather than ‘bloody hooded youths’ and asked them what they were up to? This was taken as an accusation, I told them that I wasn’t blaming them for anything, only that we had been getting vandalised and that since they were in my garden I had a right to ask them what they were doing there. I asked them what they were doing out on such a cold night and they said that they where board. They had nothing on that night. I asked them what they thought should be there for them to do and one of them was quite keen on a racetrack another on somewhere to play ‘Xbox’. Admittedly one of the girls launched into a rant about how “youse (the people in the new houses) moved into our area and we’re going to smash up your stuff and houses and you until you all move away” and “ ‘cos you are the corner house that you are going to get it ‘cos your easy to run away from”, rather than rising to this bait I reflected this back to them saying that I understood that they were upset and felt like smashing up the place but asked them if they thought that this was fair? After some time they said that no it wasn’t fair but that it would probably continue. To cut a long story short I returned to my house and thought that I had made no head way with them. However, I felt that I had made some with myself. I lost my fear of the ‘youths’ and gained an understanding that these people are just board children that lack boundaries and parental control in their lives. This has made living here less scary for me and this was only through having UPR, empathy and congruence present in my dialogue with them that this change in me occurred. As a foot note to this story, the next night 12 cars on the road got their windscreens smashed, mine however was not one of them yippee! – perhaps I did get through in some small way!

More Fear and Loathing

Something similar happened again but this time with a group of younger teens from the area. Without going into too much story I started to apply the core conditions to my dealings with them whenever I had cause to. It really has made a huge difference with them. I realise that they were picking up on my distrust and judgement of their behaviour; once I started to meet them as real people I have had very little hassle with them. In fact they will now come up and chat the way children do whenever I am out working in the garden or on the cars. The other morning when I went to walk the dog there was a small group of them sitting on the wall. Rather than getting the usual dirty looks I got a ‘howareya mister!’ from them. So I can say that even in the most difficult relationships no matter how troubled they seem, using the core conditions will help improve them for the better. Perhaps only small steps at a time but steps towards something better never the less.

 

Bibliography

 

Heinlein, R. A. (1961). Stranger in a Strange Land. Berkley Publishing Group.

O'Farrell, U. (Reprint 2001). First Steps in Counselling. Dublin: Veritas.

Rogers, C. (1980). Way of Being. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

Rogers, C. (2005). The Carl Rogers Reader edited by Kirschenbaum & Henderson. London: Counstable & Robertson.

Sanders, P. (2006). The Person Centred Counselling Primer. Trowbridge, UK: Cromwell Press.

Wilson, R. A. (1994). Prometheus Rising. Arizona: Falcon.

Yio Chu Kang Communication Problems

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Yio Chu Kang because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Yio Chu Kang. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

discussing relationship problems with others

Dating a Narcissistic Man - Dating Narcissists

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.

Difficult to Escape Relationships

Some people have a habit of getting themselves into relationships they can't escape from. Things may have taken the turn for the worst and due to the their partners possessive nature find it very difficult to break up or end the relationship. In these situations attempting to break up may result in, threats, embarrassing scenes in public, acts of violence of even vandalism.

Some men may not have the heart to shout "Get out of my life you crazy ***** "

I think if the warning signs for possessive women are spotted earlier, it will be easier to deal with later on down the line. This kind of thing can really lower a man's self esteem and can leave one feeling week and helpless. It can also jeopardize future relationships by making you extra sensitive to your partners actions.

Some people are pressured into believing that themselves (the victim) is actually in the wrong. They will start to believe that if they do the right things in a relationship there will be no need for outrageous acts of jealously. This seems more like brain washing and is obviously not the ingredients of a healthy relationship.

When it comes to physical abuse from a possessive women it can be very awkward for a man who would be physically stronger than a woman in most cases. A man may need to retain himself from lashing out and causing a women physical harm or injury due to the difference in strength and size. If a women attacks a man like a wild beast it may be difficult to restrict her without some form a painful restraint whether it be twisting the arms in a painful way or a slap across the face. Many men will not want to take that risk.

The tell tale signs

1. Wants to read your text messages frequently - First of all that is a complete lack of trust, secondly she needs to understand privacy. Just because most people are reluctant to show their partners their messages doesn't mean they are hiding anything. Everyone needs privacy to some extent.

2. Threats - Nobody should ever threaten somebody for leaving a relationship, it's a sign of mental insecurity, get out off there because it will get worse.

3. Outbursts in public - Others do not need to know about your problems, this is similar to a threat. i.e. If you try to break up and I will make noise in public and embarrass you!

4. Physical abuse - Most women are not as strong as men so in some cases an object or even a weapon may be used when boiled up. Normally a woman or man will have let off verbal abuse and this stage, but physical abuse in anyway is not acceptable. Don't think of this as a one-off because it will escalate.

5. Physically blocking your exit - By restricting your freedom this shows obsession to some extent, especially when it's met with physical violence when you try to force yourself out.

6. Destruction of possessions - Similar to a threat. Normally if a woman is having a hard time with you she wouldn't be interested in smashing up your brand new flat-screen TV or cracking your Smartphone screen. This is a time to escape.

7. Keeping you hostage- similar to no. 5. you may be locked in a room while she holds on to the key or blocking all possible exits demanding answers.

8. Abuse any of your female contacts - Jealousy, some women may not be able to accept the fact that you have female friends or associates and may go behind your back to try and spoil the relationships.

9. Forcing you to give up female friends - A big no, enough trust should have been built in a relationship for you to comfortably accept the fact that one can have friends of the opposite sex.

10. Being made to call at a certain time every day - What, is she a parole officer keeping tabs on you?. Where's the flexibility, freedom? A big tell tale sign.

Of course the above can be apply for the opposite - Possessive guy, and other people may have some further suggestions or tips for spotting these type of people.

The Dangers

Weather it's the man or the woman, domestic violence can be a very big issues and can lead to serious injuries or even death in some cases. Understand that it's not the attacker doing the killing, it's often the attack killed in self defense and often hard to prove to the police. Different countries and very different rules and rules to other countries. We don't all have the infamous "Stand your ground" law.

A lot of these so called possessive behaviours stem from emotions due to problems in the relationship.

For example, for most of the crazy partners you come across, the crazyness may normally arise after things have gone wrong in the relationship. If you look back at the beginning of the relationship you will probably be thinking "How can a person change so much?". In that respect I may be difficult to say if the crazy behaviour is actually part of their personality or simply influenced by emotion.

A broken heart can turn people in something they are not, e.g. a criminal or a killer. However at the end of the day, law is law no matter what provoked your emotions.

In Japan you will rarely see couples arguing in public, they tend to do their best, hold it in and wait until they get home. However in China I have witnessed many an argument or fight in public, with the women often physically attacking the man. Korea seemed to be much similar to China where people may let us their emotions and feeling no matter where and who is around. The Japanese tend to be a little more concerned about making a disturbance in public, but not all Japanese though. Very occasionally you will see somebody just lose it in public.


True Stories

  • A guy glanced at another woman's legs while with his girlfriend. She slapped him in public and made him write an apology letter to her, with an explanation that he wont do it again.
  • Some women have secretly set up good GPS tracking on their spouses smart phone and sync'd it to their own so they can track the whereabouts's any time
  • I know a case where a couple has an argument in a bar and the boyfriend decided to take a bus alone by himself. The girlfriend actually drove her car in front of the bus and forced it to stop while she exited the car, entered the bus and demanded him to get into her car.
  • Some men I know are not allowed to keep secret diaries, safe (boxes) etc. and their spouse must share the same Email passwords.

common challenges in marriage

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

Premarital Counseling For a Lifetime of Love

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Yio Chu Kang :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

marriage counseling before divorce

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Yio Chu Kang deal with them.

Person Centred Counselling and the Core Conditions

What is Emotional Abuse

Any behavior designed to undermine and control someone else through fear, humiliation, manipulation or intimidation is emotional abuse. This can present itself in the form of verbal abuse, constant criticism or fault finding. Through these tactics the abuser makes their victims feel that they are inadequate and inferior and erodes their self-esteem.

Contrary to what some people believe, not all forms of abuse are expressed through physical violence. Emotional abuse can and often does lead to physical aggression but the abuser uses manipulation tactics as opposed to physical abuse.

What Influences People to Resort to Emotional Abuse


The need to control other people or degrade and belittle them often stems from a lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem. Abusers are psychologically and emotionally immature and may have been the victim of, or witnessed, an abusive relationship during childhood. As a result these people accept abusive behavior as the norm.

Emotional abuse does not discriminate against race, socioeconomic status, religion, culture or gender. However, in heterosexual relationships the victim in the majority of emotional abuse cases is female.

According to statistics on spousal abuse, emotional abuse occurs 6% more often than physical abuse. In view of the fact that emotional abuse is not considered a criminal act and that most cases go unreported until they eventually culminate in physical abuse the figure for emotional abuse is in reality probably much higher.

Almost 40% of women experience some type of emotional abuse either by a partner or someone with whom they have an intimate relationship. All victims in emotional abusive relationships have a very high risk of becoming physical abused. Emotional abuse is an attempt to take control of the partner - both mentally and/or emotionally.


As with all other forms of abuse the victim is bullied into living a life where the victim is in constant fear of the abuser and inevitably change their behavior and lifestyle to please the abuser.

In situations where the abuser becomes anxious of losing control over the abused or where the abuser feels guilt caused by any of his/her own actions the abuse tends to escalate. This will then allow the abuser to pass the blame of his own actions onto the abused and once again gain control over that person.


Social beliefs can also influence some men into believing that they are the stronger sex and have a right to discipline a wife or girlfriend that is disobedient.

Alcohol and drug misuse can aggravate but cannot cause emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is a personality disorder, however abusers often hide behind substance abuse as a means to justify their behavior.

None of the above reason are an excuse to be an abuser as any form of abuse is in violation of the basic human rights of the person being abused.

Who Becomes Victims of Emotional Abuse

People do not willing enter or stay in an abusive relationship but people who were verbally abused as a child often find themselves in abusive relationships as an adult. These people may not have learned how to validate their own feelings and perceptions and develop their own viewpoints. Despite the fact that emotional abuse is destructive these individuals are more likely to accept emotional abuse as normal, even comfortable.

Abusers transfer their own feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness, fear, hurt and anger to their victims. This allows them to feel more in control and avoids the issue of their own insecurities and self-perceptions.


People who are subjected to constant emotional abuse lose their sense of self-worth and no longer trust their own perceptions. Over time the victims lose all sense of self and ultimately become incapable of forming a realistic judgment of the situation. The end result is that the victim's self esteem is so low that they cling to the abuser firmly believing that they deserve to be treated this way.

Emotional abusers are masters in the art of manipulation and convince their victims that they are worthless and that no-one else would want them. The victims then believe that they have nowhere else to go and lack the self-confidence to be on their own.

Emotional abuse leaves wounds that are much deeper and lasting than physical abuse. It is also much more difficult to talk about and explain to the outside world. The abuser normally has a dual personality or "two faces". The "Mr Nice Guy" - everybody's friend, loving spouse, successful, life and soul of the party is the face that they present to the world and the emotional abuse is reserved for the victim.

If they suspect that their victims are strong enough to seek help they are known to spread rumors about their victims instability. This makes it even more difficult for the abused to walk away from an abusive relationship and they stay for fear of being labeled neurotic. In an attempt to conceal their abusive behavior they often isolate their victim keeping them away from family and friends.

Emotional abuse is the greatest indication of potential physical violence, especially where a woman is called names to humiliate and belittle her. Emotionally abusive partners have also been known to commit murder or murder-suicide. People who are subjected to emotional abuse may become suicidal.

Tactics Used By The Emotional Abuser

The emotional abuser is invariably egocentric and as such can place unreasonable demands on his victim, expecting them to give all their time and attention to the abuser. In doing so they are denying their victim of any right to privacy and time of their own. They expect their partner to be at their beck and call and will still be dissatisfied irrespective of how much they are prepared to give of themselves.

Emotional abusers have an obsession with control and will go to great lengths in an attempt to control their partner's every move. If their wants are not met they will resort to threats or punishment to get control of the victim's life. Allowing someone to dominate them to this extent will cause the victims to lose any sense of self-respect.

The victims will be constantly criticized and berated for their inability to meet the abuser's needs. Emotional abusers also constantly criticize the partner's size and appearance breaking down their self-esteem until they believe that they are repulsive and worthless.

Isolation is another common tactic used by emotional abusers. They want full control over their victim's lives and try to prevent them from having contact with their friends and family. They may even prevent them from having independent activities such as work, irrespective of whether they can afford for the victim not to earn an income or not.

Due to their own low self-esteem they are overly jealous and possessive and falsely accuse the victim of extra-marital affairs if they even speak to a person of the opposite sex. They often pressurize the victim to have sex with them to prove that they love the abuser. This often becomes their way of making amends after each attack despite the fact that the victim may be in a state of despair and hurting.

Abusers often use children as pawns in their power game and will criticize the partner's parenting abilities. They are also known to threaten to ensure that the victim does not get custody of the children should they decide to end the relationship.

Typical of an emotional abuser in order to maintain full control and power they will make all the decisions. This includes important matters such as family finances, what car to buy, where they live and which school the children will attend. They will withhold information from the victim and not consult them on any decisions.

A more aggressive form of abuse includes false accusations, name-calling, threats, blaming and ordering. The abuser assumes a superior position in the relationship by invalidating and judging the partner thereby undermining their equality and independence.

Aggressive abusive can also be more subtle and be disguised as an attempt to help the victim when in effect these are merely attempts to belittle and control them. This can lead to what is known as learned helplessness where the victim believes that they are helpless and remains passive in a damaging situation because they have been lead to believe that they are incapable of making a worthwhile decision.

Emotional abusers tend to deliberately start arguments as they have this uncontrollable urge to experience a feeling of power and control.

Denying is a very harmful form of emotional abuse and can cause the victim to lose all sense of self-worth. Besides minimizing of the victims opinion on anything they are known to deny that certain events took place or that hurtful things were said.Minimizing or trivializing is a more subtle form of denying whereby the abuser leads the victim to believe that they are over-reacting to events or things that were said. To hurt, humiliate or belittle their victims, abusers will question the victims perceptions, memory and even their sanity.

Constant invalidation of feelings, reality and experiences will inevitably lead the victim to mistrust their own perceptions and emotional experience. Emotional abusers can undermine the victims perception of reality by rejecting, mocking, diminishing, or judging the victim's feelings and opinions in an attempt to control the way the victim feels.

Abusers may often refuse to listen or communicate with their victims and withdraw emotionally as a means of punishment. This is what is commonly known as giving their victims the "silent treatment".

In an attempt to control their victims, abusers play on the values, guilt, compassion and fear of their victims to reach their goals. They may also threaten to abandon their victims in an attempt to expose the victims vulnerability and dependency on the abuser.

Abusers are often very moody people and may re-act differently to a specific situation depending on their mood. Drastic mood swings and emotional outbursts make a relationship with this type of abuser extremely draining as the victim is constantly on edge never knowing what to say or how to act to prevent an attack. This type of abuse is characterized by unpredictable responses and the victim, not knowing what to expect, is permanently on guard waiting for the next mood change which could lead to an outburst.

Characteristics of an emotional abuser



Abusers may demonstrate one or more of the following characteristics:-

  • Unrealistic expectations of themselves and others
  • Very demanding
  • Volatile temper and over-react to minimal incidents
  • Evade responsibility in a relationship and do not easily commit
  • Excessively jealous and possessive and very insecure
  • Have an obsession with controlling their victims and restricting their freedom and rights.
  • Very demanding of their victims
  • Make all the decisions and never take their partners feelings into consideration.
  • Manipulative
  • Never take responsibility or blame for their own mistakes
  • Never admit to the harm they cause - not even to themselves
  • Can not empathize with others
  • Dual personality

Effects of Emotional Abuse

People who are emotionally abused lose the confidence to make decisions for themselves and tend to agree with everything their partner suggests. They will do anything to please their abuser despite the fact that this is basically an impossible task as the abuser finds joy in criticizing everything the abused does.

In order to justify their staying in the relationship people who are emotionally abused find reasons to excuse the abuser's behavior. This includes having a bad childhood, a bad day at the office but more often than not the victim's tend to blame themselves. Something that they said or did is the reason why their partner is being abusive and they often feel it is their fault.

Emotional battering can cause serious health and psychological problems and the victims often become forgetful and find that they experience difficulty in concentrating. The abused often resort to alcohol or drug abuse or may develop eating or sleeping problems. The emotional stress can cause the abused to become physically ill or they may experience abnormal fatigue or anxiety attacks. All people react differently but it is not uncommon for emotionally abused people to suffer depression and to show a loss of interest in the world around them.

Emotional abusers often try to isolate their victims and the victims often find that they eventually lose all contact with their friends and family. As a result of the emotional battering abused people lose their self confidence and fear if they end the relationship that they will be all alone

Why Emotionally Abused Victims Don't Easily Leave


Victims of emotional abuse often stay in the abusive relationship in the hopes that the abuser will change. They often feel that by changing the way that they act towards the abuser they will be able to change the way the abuser acts towards them. Unfortunately one cannot control other people's emotions and neither can you change their personality.

One of the tragedies is that victims eventually believe all the degrading and hurtful things that the abuser tells them about themselves and truly believe that they are the cause of the problem.

The only possible way for them to walk away from this relationship with any dignity is to realise that the opinions expressed by the abuser are not necessarily their true opinion of the victim but only a means to get them to believe that they are worthless. If the victim has reached the stage where they can no longer distinguish between what could possibly be valid opinions and those given merely to hurt and control them they should seek outside help urgently.

It is very difficult for people who have been in an abusive relationship to just walk out without strong emotions of fear, embarrassment, self-blame and a host of other complex feelings. It is essential that the victims realize that there is a way out of an abusive relationship and there are trained people that will help them to overcome their fears and give them a greater understanding of the situation.

The foremost reason victims do not leave an abusive relationship is their inability to provide shelter and food for themselves and their children although threats, safety, fears and love are also contributory factors.

If you feel you are being abused, or know someone who is, you need to get help. Keeping the abuse a secret doesn't protect a person from being abused - it only makes it more likely that the abuse will continue.

What to Do if You Are Being Emotionally Abused

The very first step in the right direction is to recognize and admit that you are in a dysfunctional relationship and the victim of emotional abuse. This is a very serious situation to be in and is as bad if not worse than physical abuse. You must realize that you are not to blame for your partner's abusive behavior.

Emotional abusers often resort to aggressive behavior and this could easily lead to physical violence or murder. Have a safety plan in place and take your safety and that of your children seriously.

If your partner has threatened to harm or kill you phone 911.

When you do make a decision to leave your partner seek legal advice.

  • Victims of abuse are at the greatest risk of being harmed or killed when they leave.

You and Me

the world knows a different you
you tell them i'm crazy and they believe it too
why shouldn't they - you're so gentle and kind
they don't know what goes on in your mind.

if i told them that there is a different you
a person they would loathe if only they knew
they'd probably think that i was to blame
and i'd only be putting myself to shame

cos emotional abuse leaves no scars they can see
you are not breaking bones - you are breaking me
you trample the core of my being - deep inside
taken away my dignity, my respect and my pride.

i can't wait for your leaving in the morning
and dread your return at night
being around you makes me edgy
just waiting for the next fight

what will i be ?- a slut or a bitch?
useless and ugly and an evil witch?
or will it be i'm just a cheap whore
someone nobody loves anymore?

or will you ask me what i did with my day
and then not listen to what i say
waiting to accuse me of lies and deceit
saying i slept with every man on our street

will you throw out the meal i prepared for you
find fault with every single thing that i do
will you punch me with words so hard that i cower
all in an effort to gain control and power.


or will you resort to threats of violence and death
i wish i could tell you to just hold your breath...........

cos you cannot kill someone who no longer exists
who died a slow death caused by words and not fists.


its always the same ending after a fight
you expect me to make love all through the night
when all i want is to be left alone and in peace
in a happy place where the hurting can cease

in this dysfunctional relationship that you call love
you torture me daily without a push or a shove
but the hurt cuts deeper than gashes and bruises could
and my heart bleeds more than my body ever would.

for time will never heal the scars that i bear
i just bury them deeper year after year
and change to who you want me to be
it makes it far easier than me being me

Laura du Toit - 2009