SGP Downtown Marriage Counseling

In SGP Downtown marriage is considered a beautify relationship that binds two souls who have love and compassion in their hearts. FamilyRootsOrganizer is strong advocate of the fact that having someone in your life gives you the peace of mind that you have the support and love your need in order to succeed and live a healthy life.

Well, most of the time it happens that people in SGP Downtown find someone who can offer them such things, but, also some of the time it happens that people don’t get these things from their spouse and after a particular time period, they get separated from each other.

While, this is the huge steps that any person will take in his/her life because no matter there have been years or few months in their marriage, but they are emotionally attached to each other so that they cannot take this thing quite easily.

Now the question might pop up in someone’s mind that why then people get divorced if it is quite a painful thing to do for them. So, for the answer to this question, we are here going to tell you about 5 common causes of divorce in SGP Downtown.

Anniversaries After the Affair

relationship problem solution

Nov 21,1998

This was the day I had planned for and looked forward to from the time I was a little girl. I practiced by trying on my mother's wedding dress and veil, carrying her flowers and standing in front of the mirror to admire myself as a bride. This was the morning that I got up, went early to the salon to have my hair done, get dressed in my very own dress and veil, have pictures taken with my new husband, parents and newly extended family. It was a perfect snowy day. Big flakes falling down, creating the perfect winter wonderland that I'd wanted for our special day. My dad walked me down the aisle, gave me away to my husband, we said our vows, promises made and the deal was sealed. Finally married. It was a great day. One of the best, most fun weddings that we had ever been to. Snowmen centre pieces on the table, white mini lights twinkling around the room, ice cream wedding cake, winter wonderland, happy people helping us celebrate our day. It ended with us falling into bed, tired, happy, laughing about the funny events of the day, it had turned out to be the perfect wedding day. Perfect start to the rest of our happily ever after...or so I thought.

Nov 21, 2014 Anniversary #16

This was the first anniversary after I had found out that our marriage was not all that I thought it was. Our 16th Anniversary. In the last couple of years I had felt the shift in our relationship. I felt like there was something else going on in my husbands life that he wasn't sharing with me. He was working longer hours, spending less time at home, when he was home he stayed up later and later often coming to bed well after I had fallen asleep. I began to wonder if the thing in his life that he wasn't sharing was another relationship. I asked if there was another woman in his life, and he said no there wasn't. For awhile, I chalked it up to me being busy with the kids and their activities and him busy with the company and work.

This first anniversary after finding out that he had been with someone else, I didn't want to celebrate. I wanted to forget the day and have it be just another day in November. That didn't happen. Friends of ours wanted to go out an celebrate the evening. So because I hadn't told my friend what I had found out, she knew nothing and figured it would be a great couples night out. I just wanted the day to be over so I could go to sleep and not think anymore about how those things that he had promised me on this day 16 years ago, now didn't mean shit to me anymore. Celebrating felt like a lie, and at this point I was so tired of lies that I didn't want to tell anymore. I didn't want to pretend that this day still meant the same to me anymore. I just felt empty and sad.


Nov 21, 2015

I've been dreading this day again, since the beginning of the month. I wish I had some excuse to be away but I don't. So I've let it slip by and at some point maybe my husband will notice that the day got past us or he won't. Maybe he's remembered too and knows that it's a day that he just best leave alone. He doesn't understand that he has ruined this special day for me. I don't wear my wedding rings anymore because he broke those promises that he made with them. When he told me he wanted to save our marriage, he wanted me to stay, he loved me but then lied to me some more. He told me last year that he wouldn't hurt me anymore, that our marriage was worth fighting for. He lied and continued to have an online affair with a much younger woman in the States. I found out in January that he had gone to be with her. He told me he would end it. He lied. He asked me if I would give him a week to go, end things with her in June and then it would all be over. He lied, it wasn't over. He continued to be in contact with her. He lied to her too. He told her we were separated. In August, two months after I gave him his "hall pass", he went to see her again. He lied to me again, to go be with her. I cancelled our marriage counselling that he suggested, so he could fly out to go and see her. My instincts all along were telling me that he was lying.

I can't forget, the days leading up to him leaving to go be with her and the things he said. When he told me that he loved me and that he just wanted to get his work over and done with so that he could come home. I just wanted him to be honest. I wanted to believe what he was saying. I wanted to believe that maybe this anniversary maybe I would feel differently, and that the first affair was just a hiccup in our twenty three years together. I can't forget that he loved someone else besides me. I don't believe him now. I don't feel like he loves me, even though he says he does. I feel more empty and care less. I'm not going to worry about what he is doing anymore and just concentrate on living my life. I have two teenagers that I need to concentrate on raising, and not worry about how my in-laws failed to be upstanding parents and set a good example for their son. I don't know how many times, he expects that I will just keep forgiving what he was doing. I will stay married, because I meant the promises that I made. I don't think I can forgive his trip in August, I don't think I want to. I feel that the more chances and forgiveness that I give, the more he will take advantage of me.

So now this special day, that I once looked forward to, is just a day that I'd like to skip. Just a day like any of the other 365 days this year. If I can make it a couple of more hours without him realizing that today was our anniversary, and I don't have to explain to him why I just wanted to forget about it, would be great. I don't want to fight or try to explain to him my reasons, because he just doesn't get the hurt that he's caused me in the last year. I had hoped that I would feel differently after last year, and maybe if things had of gone differently then tonight would be different, and I would feel like celebrating like we did 17 years ago, with the snow falling down, with me in my dress and him in his tux. My little girl dreams were supposed to have lasted, but instead the fairytale ended and I'm navigating through reality. It sucks when the ending doesn't turn out the way you planned.

1. Infidelity

One of the biggest reasons that you will find as the cause of divorce is infidelity. This thing determines the activity of cheating your spouse on someone. Since it is obvious that every person that gets married vows to spend the rest of his/her life with that person only. He/she takes some vows according to which he/she will never leave his/her spouse, will never hurt him/her and also not let him/her alone in any situation. Well, this thing happens to almost every person but in some cases, people get into infidelity due to which their relationship does not work out.

Well, the divorce step in the case of infidelity does not take by the person who is cheating, but by the person that is being cheated by that person. In this case, when the other person finds out that his/her spouse is involved with any other person and he/she is cheated on me, then he/she does not want to live with that person anymore and he/she claims the divorce to get apart.

2. Money And Finances

Another one of the biggest elements that become the cause of divorce between two people is money. Well, money is the most basic need that every person wants to have in his life. There is nothing can be done in a real-life if a person doesn’t have money in SGP Downtown. Although the financial status varies from one another if we say that a person had survived in his/her life without money in his/her hand, then it is totally wrong.
Well, in the case of marriage, money and financial status play an important role. If a person, especially man, is financially strong, then his woman will go far with him by living happily, but if the status goes down by any reason, then there is a huge chance that she does not want to live without that person and she get divorce from him. Additionally, this thing applies on the man, like if a person has a figure in his mind that his wife will get with her in her account and she will make him as the caretaker of that amount, then the man will consider that lady, but if she finds out after some time that the things those he was expecting from her, will not be fulfilled in any case, then he gets himself apart from her. In such cases, the relationships are meant to be materialistic instead of emotional.

dealing with marital problems
3. Lack of Communication

According to resaerch conducted by FamilyRootsOrganizer every relationship is built on effective communication. If you are do not talk a lot with a person to whom you have some kind of relationship, then you will not be able to take it way too far.

The same thing happens in the case of marriage. This relationship in SGP Downtown highly needs to build effective communication to make it strong. Both husband and wife need to talk to each other on different topics and spend quality time with each other. When this thing does not happen, then there appear clashes between both of them. Both people feel mental differences from each and they don’t get a proper time to make their relationship strong. This is the reason that they end up being divorced and get separated from each other.

4. Lack of Intimacy

Sex is also another one of the most important things that makes a relationship stronger. We at FamilyRootsOrganizer believe if your spouse is not sexually fit as you are, then you will not be able to handle the relationship because every person has some particular sexual needs. If they are being fulfilled, then you will definitely a source by which you can get make these needs fulfilled.
This is the reason that when a person between husband or wife, feels lack of intimacy, then you will alternately end up to be divorced, and find any other person with which you are fully satisfied.

5. Abuse: Physical Or Mental

Abusing is also quite an essential thing that become the reason of divorce between two people. No matter, it is sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or any kind of physical abuse, no person can bear it for a long time. In this case, he/she will alternately take an action and demand for divorce or permanent separation.

How getting relationship therapy can help save the relationship?

Well, everything in this world has some kind of therapy for the betterment and improvement in that thing. If you are depressed or get anxiety attacks, then you will definitely get a proper therapy session, to get rid of it. Similarly, there is also a relationship therapy that helps you out to run your relationship better.

FamilyRootsOrganizer therapies help you out to understand the positive aspects of your relationship and give it a chance to work out. They encourage you to give your relationship a chance and try to make it better by changing your attitude or tackling the other person’s behavior.

So, make sure to have the relationship therapy if you are involved in any of this situation and give your marriage a chance instead of divorce.

When to Seek Marriage Counseling


In our modern era, much of what is important happens online. Bills, shopping, relationships, and more. So of course, our modern couples are interested to know if they can meet online for premarital counseling too.


Here at Growing Self we’ve been pioneering online marriage counseling, online life coaching, and online therapy for years. So doing online premarital counseling is naturally an option that we offer.
In fact, doing online premarital counseling works extremely well for many couples. This is especially true for couples where one (or both) people frequently travel, who have busy schedules, who live in rural areas with few options for premarital counseling locally, or who may live long distance from each other.


Our model of premarital counseling is particularly effective in an online format, because it’s structured. We help you strengthen your relationship in six main areas:


How to help each other feel loved and respected
How to communicate with each other
How to deal with inevitable conflict constructively, without it turning into a fight
How to grow together, for an interesting, fresh, enjoyable marriage
How to get on the same page about important things like money, parenting and more


Depending on your relationship’s strengths and “growth opportunities,” we can help you both learn key skills for achieving peace and harmony in all or a few of those areas. Or you may have other things on your mind that you’d like to address and resolve before getting married. That is completely fine too. We can adjust our process to fit your needs.


As well as online premarital counseling works for many of our couples, there are situations where it is not a good idea. If you are having major issues in your relationship where there is a lot of anger and emotional reactivity, or you are dealing with more serious concerns like drug or alcohol addiction, or domestic violence, you should seek help from a qualified provider in your community.
But under most circumstances, meeting online for premarital counseling works beautifully.

Here’s how it works: We see couples for premarital counseling online through Skype, FaceTime and Google Hangouts. If you would like to meet in person at one of our Denver area locations (Denver / Cherry Creek, Broomfield, or Denver Tech Center) that is also an option. Some couples like to do a combination of in-person and online premarital counseling. Either way, the first step in getting started with online premarital counseling, either with our “I DO!” premarital program, or private premarital counseling is to schedule a free consultation session with one of the expert marriage counselors on our team.  


After you schedule your consultation (either by calling our 24/7 receptionist, or through our online calendar) your premarital counselor will be following up with you to get your online contact information. They’ll call you at the time of your appointment. If you are doing a three way call, the premarital counselor will call both of you at the same time. 


If you have more questions about premarital counseling at Growing Self, would like to get matched with a premarital counselor, or would like help enrolling in one of our premarital counseling programs, call anytime.

River Valley Grief And Loss

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in River Valley because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in River Valley. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

couples therapy before marriage

Relationship Issues With Many Gay Lesbian Couples

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.

Passive Aggression and Relationships

We all have different personalities and different ways to cope with our feelings. People who are passive aggressive do not want to deal with their feelings of anger. There is a difference between acting passive aggressive occasionally and being passive aggressive all the time and it dominates their thoughts, their actions, their personality.

People who are passive aggressive all the time are known to have PAPD, passive aggressive personality disorder. They switch off between several thoughts. They believe they are perfect and will discredit anything their spouse may say about them. They will say yes, but secretly feel angry, and plot ways to not do what is asked of them because they are secretly afraid to express their real opinion. They play the part of the victim and slant the story so that they are the innocent one.

The Passive Aggressive Person and Their Partner

A passive aggressive person finds a willing victim. There is a problem between both people. The passive aggressive person resists, and the spouse gets and shows their frustration. The spouse also has dynamics that were set up in their childhood. It often comes from watching their own parents. One parent withdrew, and the other gets frustrated. They grow into adults who take care of others and feel unappreciated for it. As an adult, they unconsciously choose a partner who plays out these unresolved feelings. They will also repeat the patterns of their parents behavior towards each other.

The spouse falls for the passive aggressive person’s charm, his neediness, and doesn’t see how this throws off their lack of connection to others. The dynamics of the marriage leave the spouse who is not passive aggressive in doubt about themselves. The passive aggressive person blurs the lines between their own failures, and make them the other person’s. The passive aggressive person is very clever at eluding their spouse’s way of discovering what they are really about. Their life together is often filled with unsettling inconsistencies. When the passive aggressive husband, for example feels threatened, they withdraw, the wife feels frustrated and shows her anger. They are not able to settle the conflict in a direct way and the disagreement goes unresolved. Healthy relationships need openness and appropriate displays of anger.

The spouse of a passive aggressive person takes on several roles at various times. They are the rescuer. They are the controller who is managing and handling the situation. They are the victim. They are often pushed into frustrating situations that cause them to feel angry. Caught in a role of being all of these people, they ride an emotional roller coaster, as the passive aggressive spouse continues to make their mate feel like they will do what is asked of them.

The passive aggressive person knows how to erode their spouse’s self esteem. Their mate is feeling frustrated and angry, and may feel guilty about being angry. The passive aggressive person, through their innocent and naïve ways makes their spouse feel guilty about being angry at them and often gets their spouse to apologize to them.

How to Handle a Passive Aggressive Person

It is in our nature to repeat what we are unaware we are doing. The person who is attracted to a passive aggressive mate, will find another just like them in other relationships they have. There is a certain level of neediness that attracts this person to a passive aggressive individual. The person who is attracted to a passive aggressive mate does not usually set limits, is not usually demanding, and may be easily manipulated.

If you are married to a passive aggressive person you can handle the person by using straight non confrontational talk. It may help to change some of their irritating behavior.

Passive aggressive personality disorder is a pervasive way of being and behaving. It is a lifelong habit. It is not an easy task to straighten this out. I t starts with setting firm limits for yourself. Don’t blur the boundaries between their needs and what you think you can do for them. Stick to the promises you have made to yourself. Speak in terms of how you feel. State it in terms of “I feel...” Don’t protect your spouse from your feelings. Don’t accept their excuses when your spouse says they couldn’t do what you asked. Tell them, it is their choice and express how their behavior has affected you and others. Choose your battles. Focus on what is important. Intervene where it will count for you. When you are in an argument with your passive aggressive spouse make sure they don’t turn the focus back on you. Tell them it is about them, not you.

What You Can Do for Yourself When You Are in a Relationship With a Passive Aggressive Person

Become as self aware as you can. Observe how you avoid conflict, the ways you are passive yourself, and what triggers your own response to anger. Be vigilant about how they turn the blame on you. Don’t allow them to take the discussion off track. Try not to let them push your buttons and get you angry, so they can walk away from you.

It may be helpful to learn stress management so that you can handle your own anxiety effectively. It is important to encourage your spouse to make their own decisions, and to let them see that doing things helps to build their own confidence. Try not to be critical of their behavior. If you come on strong, they may react by retreating and isolating themselves because, remember they can’t how yo their anger. Try to raise them to a level of honesty and to say they don’t really want to do the things you have asked. Then you can explain how this makes you feel. Try to make fewer demands, asking only for what you need and see what happens. Show how the distortion of the truth is creating more problems. Be gentle, be direct, try not to be aggressive. Don’t allow them to make excuses or make excuses for them. Challenge their ambiguity and double messages, or how they are ignoring you.Challenge them when they try to cloud the issues with things that are not relevant to the situation. Don’t let them get away with giving you mixed messages.

They will try the tactic of making you feel sorry for them as though they are the victim, to avoid you coming down on them, and get you to feel sorry for them. Point out that their behavior is self defeating and not solving anything. Make them accountable.

Be sure to give them praise for the progress they are making. Hopefully you will get them to realize that there are good ways to resolve conflict. Understand for your knowledge that their fear of being dependent on you is related to their own rebellion. Try to avoid invading their privacy, or get in the way of them making them making their own decisions. Your partner may be afraid to acknowledge their own fears. Help them have the courage to deal with these feelings and that everyone has fears, and that it is good to learn about ourselves.

Passive Aggressive Partners

Your partner is bound to blame you for what is going on. It is important that you let them know how they betrayed you and that they must earn back your trust. Ask them what they will do to rebuild the trust you need from them.

Point out when they sulk and get moody and how all these things only make things worse. Show them how they close themselves off, and how that makes the issues more difficult to deal with. Keep the conversation open.


Be willing to learn about yourself too by accepting feedback and listening to criticism without getting defensive. Chart the relationship with new definitions so that positive change can take effect.


Show how they are manipulating the situation and being controlling, even though they may vehemently deny this. Show how they are using withdrawl tactics, sarcasm, irritability and moodiness, and intimidation in situations. Avoid getting into power struggles with them. Talk about unexpressed anger and how it can fester and cause destructiveness in the relationship.

Through couples counseling you and your spouse may be able to express uncomfortable feelings in safe and appropriate your. Give your passive aggressive spouse the opportunity to be more direct with you. Learn about yourself and how you react to anger. Observe how your interaction can fuel their anger, and on the positive side, how you can undermine their passive aggressive behavior.


Stay away from nagging them, it does not good and will only make things worse. Expressing your feelings in the right way will make all the difference in how you both handle the issues. When your partner gives you the silent treatment, tell them that it is upsetting to you. Explain that not talking makes it easier for each of you to form assumptions that put more distance between you.


Passive Aggressive People

All relationships are built on compromise. Let your partner know your compromise and get them to state theirs. Make them an active part of solving the problems in your marriage.

If your passive aggressive partner does not want to negotiate or compromise with you, it may be appropriate to state some consequences. If you do setup consequences, you must follow through on them.


If after everything has been tried and said, perhaps you need to stop spending so much energy on this person. Ask yourself what you are getting from this relationship. it is time to question if your partner is really capable of being close to you. Is your partner putting their energy into helping the relationship or avoiding their own problems?


If you tried to make things work with this person, it may be time to move forward. Be forewarned that the passive aggressive person will seek revenge against you. If you aren’t all that unhappy in the relationship, then stay in the relationship. But realize that maybe it is time to give yourself what your spouse is not and cannot give you. Working on yourself may have a bigger payback. The choice is yours, but whatever you do, do it for yourself and make yourself happy most of all.

To read more about marriage and passive aggressive personality disorder click here.

premarital marriage counseling

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

Verbal Emotional Abuse

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In River Valley :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

first month of marriage problems

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in River Valley deal with them.

Premarital Counseling For a Lifetime of Love

Marriage:

Marriage is the approved social pattern whereby two to more persons establish a family. It involves not only the right to conceive and rear children, but also a host of other obligation and privileges affecting a good many people.

The real meaning of marriage is the acceptance of a new status, with a new set of privileges and obligations, and the recognition of this new status by others. A legal marriage legitimizes a social status and creates a set of legally recognized rights and duties.

Marriage is one of the oldest socially recognized institution and essential for the procreation of children and satisfaction of our sexual urges. In different societies there are different methods of marriage. Some of the societies allow a male to marry only a single female whereas in other societies a husband is allowed to have more than one wife. Similarly some societies will not allow a woman to have more than one husband whereas other societies will not mind a woman having more than one husband. In some cases the parent arranges the marriage whereas in others the boys and girls arrange their marriage.

 Definition of Marriage:  Marriageis a term for social relationships of husband and wife or of plural mates. Also used for the ceremony of uniting marital partners.

Mate Selection:

It refers to the finding of spouse by man and woman. There are two methods given as :

  1. Exogamy: When a person marries outside one’s group, caste, religion, class or race. It is attributed as exogamy. In the modern times this marriage is mostly in practice.
  2. Endogamy: When a person marries inside one’s group, caste, religion, class or race. It is known as endogamy. This kind of marriage is practice mostly in the rural areas of Pakistan, Afghanistan.

Form of Marriage

Different societies have different views for the social recognition and approval of marriage. That is the reason why we find different of marriages. The main types of marriage are given below:

  1. Monogamy: One person is allowed to marry once.
  2. Polygamy: Person ( man or woman ) is allowed to marry more than once.
  1. Polygyny:  A husband is permitted to have more than one wife at one time.
  2. Polyandry: A woman marries to more than one man at a time .
  3. Fraternal polyandry: When a woman is considered and treated as the wife of all the brothers living in the family and the offspring is considered to be the son/daughter of the eldest brother.
  4. Non-fraternal polyandry: In this form a woman is supposed to have more than one husband.
  1. Group marriage: The brothers are required to marry with the sisters living together.
  2. Experimental marriage: In such a marriage the couple should be allowed to come together and freely mix and meet to understand each other before their marriage.
  3. Inter caste marriage: A man marries a woman with in a caste. Like in India.
  4. Anuloma: When the men of higher castes are allowed to marry the women of lower castes is called anuloma.
  5. Pratiloma: When the women of higher castes marry to the men of lower castes are called Pratiloma.
  6. Hyper-gamy & hypo-gamy: A man belonging to the nobility is allowed to marry a woman of lower social status is called Hyper-gamy. But when a woman of higher social status is marrying a man of lower social status is called Hypo-gamy.
  7. Sororate marriage: If the wife is died. After the death, the husband marries this deceased wife’s sister.
  8. Levirate marriage: When the husband is died. After the death the wife marries her deceased husband’s brother.
  9. Marriage by elopement: If a boy and girl run away and marry against the choice of their parents. They marry either in court or other place.
  10. Compassionate Marriage: The dissolution of marriage by mutual consents, due to having no children.
  11. Arranged Marriage: The marriage, which is arranged by the consent of both sides parent.
  12. Love Marriage: The system under which the youngsters themselves select their life partners is called love marriage.
  13. Swara Marriage: It’s a common marriage in Pukhtoon society.

Functions of Marriage

  1. Social Recognition: Marriage gives social recognition to all sexual relationships, which otherwise would have many social problems. Marriage alone makes the society accept the relationship of boy and girl, as husband and wife.
  2. Procreation of Children: Then another function of the marriage is to have legitimate children; The children born as a result of socially recognized marriage are accepted by the society as legitimate and legal heirs to the property and other assets of the family.
  3. Sense of Sympathy: After the marriage alone the husband and wife and their children develop a sense of sympathy for each other and they begin to share each other’s joys and sorrows. They sacrifice for the sake of each other.
  4. Basis of Family: Then another function of marriage is that it is the basis of family life. As we all know that after marriage family comes into being and with that the virtues of all the family life emerge in the society.
  5. Stability in Relationship: After marriage alone relationships come into being e.g. the relationship of husband and wife, son or daughter, father in law and mother in law or that of grandfather and grandmother etc. these relations get stabilized with the passage of time but only after marriage but not before marriage.
  6. Perpetuation of Lineage: It is after marriage that there is desire to perpetuate the name of the family. The children perpetuate the names of their parents and then come grandchildren, great grand children etc. After some time then there is a desire to perpetuate the lineage of the family and it at any stage in the family there are no offshoots, then every effort is made to have then, so that the name of the family continues.

In this way each family has very important and basic functions to perform. Without these functions our whole social system would failed and would resulting many social problems. Then marriage alone has helped in maintaing high moral standards of which any society can really feel proud.

Shenton Way top marriage problems

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Shenton Way because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Shenton Way. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

dealing with marital problems

Married to a Passive Aggressive Person and What to Do

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.

Even if you have been dating for years, it’s not safe to assume that you have both done a thorough examination of what kind of history, experience, and emotional baggage you’re each bringing into your marriage. A good personal inventory includes everything, such as your health, professional life, friendships, how you’ve handled finances, past dating relationships, and your faith journey.
Thoughtful questions from a trusted counselor or mediator can help bring to light any history that might play a bigger role in your relationship than you may think. Questions such as, “What have been your biggest disappointments in life?” and, “What have been your greatest triumphs in life?” turned out to be big questions for us. This inventory took me three hours to complete with a lot of tears, but it was all worth it. It brought up things I didn’t realize about myself. Having a better understanding of who we are individually and then sharing that with each other in the counseling session was hugely beneficial for us.


This part of counseling really homes in on how much family has shaped you. Whether you are currently close with your family or not, you spent years under its design, being immersed in how your parents communicate with each other, your extended family, and you. These things will definitely impact a future marriage because you will both become part of each other’s respective families.


As part of our pre-marriage preparation, we underwent a comprehensive evaluation about our families. We answered questions about what our family was like growing up and what our family dynamics are like presently. We discussed our relationships with parents, siblings, and extended family to get a better idea of how these relationships have shaped us. We also examined roles our parents played in the household. And big, scary things too: Trauma. Addiction. Divorce.

We discovered that we have more anxiety about marriage than others, whose parents were high-school sweethearts and are still married. If the thought of this deep dive into your family history makes you squirm a little, that’s perfectly normal. Our families are such an intimate part of who we are that we’re protective of that part of ourselves, and it can be hard to discuss the hurts and dive into how it might influence our future family.


As part of this exercise, we’ve talked about chores, grocery shopping, bill paying, vacation time, pets, children (and, of course, sex), how often we will entertain in our home, how often we’d like to have date nights, even down to who will make the bed in the morning. (Seriously!) It’s easy now to try to assign each other tasks and duties, and of course that doesn’t guarantee or cement them. But I’m actually really happy that we have a chance to talk these things out before we begin living together.


Few people enjoy talking about money, and we certainly did not look forward to this conversation. But money, how we think about it and what we do with it, plays a big part in marital happiness. In our pre-engagement sessions we were posed with great questions when talking about finances. Here are a few of the important questions to cover in a conversation about money:


Who will be the primary financial provider in the family?
How will you decide on major purchases?
Who will pay the bills, balance the checkbook, and keep track of expenses?
What is your philosophy of giving (charitable donations to your church or other organizations), and how will you make decisions about giving?
What is your conviction about debt and the use of credit cards?


These were just a handful of the financial questions we were asked to think about. We also discussed how we want to handle our finances as a couple and individually (joint or separate bank accounts). It’s a lot to think about, but the goal was to get on the same page.

i have trust issues in relationships

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

Three Signs of A Successful Marriage

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Shenton Way :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

vulnerability issues in relationships

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Shenton Way deal with them.

Person Centred Counselling and the Core Conditions

The Best Ways To Deal With These Nag Nag Nag Wife Creatures

As married life goes it naturally has it's ups and downs and it's when the downs seem to make life really depressed is when this sort of behaviour needs to be addressed. If you don't want to read on then consider 10 ways to Dump someone with some funny ideas for Dumping that irritating boyfriend or girlfriend!

A nagging wife is someone who has gotten quite comfortable at dishing out the orders, you know the type, the ones who leave the list of jobs that need doing as soon as on the fridge in the form of a post it.

These horrible wife creatures must be stopped and I believe I've come up with 9 top ways to deal with a nagging wife, so take notes, you never know when you'll need to refer back to these 9 tips for effective wife management.

Number 1: Always create a space for yourself, a shed, a room. Somewhere to retreat from the nagging when it erupts. Your best hobby is done in this safe haven from the nightmare naggers.

Every bloke should have a hobby to counteract the nagging of a wife.

Number 2: When you feel the nag is about to happen, just go out to the pub, or go for a walk, the key here is to be consistent so that every time a nag is about to occur you just get out of the way.

This makes sense, because it saves wasted energy all around and if you are out of the way, then you will not hear it!

Number 3: Ignore the nagging, when she says stuff that needs to change or the things that need doing it's time to either act like you're deaf or just plain ignore her and all she stands for when it comes to the nagging, she'll either get bored because there is no reaction and the nagging ends or she may get pissed off.

So in the event she might get a little angry that you don't listen, then obtain a hearing aid and hatch a small plan to fake a hearing problem, this is a good tactic I recommend you do to combat this terrible affliction, she'll more than likely not bother and just hand you a list of jobs and for that my friends a white walking stick and mr magoo style glasses come in very handy!!

Number 4: When us men are about to be nagged to death we sort of sense it like a sixth sense, so in the event of such an outcome, you could compliment your wife and this cleverly distracts her and she'll just forget for the time being about the prospect of nagging you.

These little compliments can be staggered throughout the week and can be part of an overall plan of gift showering and that sort of thing, although don't overdo it as this could cause more stress later on down the line with such things as they might wonder why you are giving them all of this attention and you are playing the game away from home.

So just be careful with this one, you don't want to be playing into their hands too much!

Number 5: Keep them busy, always try to keep the nagging at bay by taking them out for dinner or just doing something together, with a bit of luck this will also stop them from nagging you because this might be something they nagged you about, so try and second guess them and nip it in the bud before the nag rot sets in.

Number 6: Counteract the nagging by nagging back, this could be called an argument in some parts of the world, but it really isn't, as you are only giving her a taste of her own poisonous medicine.

Nag back at her about the fact of her nagging you, you never know this may stop her from nagging again, or it could be grounds for a future divorce, either way you'll feel better for it.

Number 7: Laugh at her nagging face!

This is one of my favourites as it unsettles them into just shutting the hell up,they get frustrated about the fact that you laughed at them. When they try to nag again immediately after you laughed ....just laugh louder this time!

Number 8: Slap them in the face with a piece of candy floss, don't worry it won't hurt, this just adds to the drama of being nagged, with a bit of luck a piece of candy floss will get stuck on their lips and you could simply lick it off.

Get rid of the nagging with a bit of candy floss kinkyness!!

Lastly number 9: When they are about to nag...say hey look at that dress and your hair...I love it! you really are the best wife in the world and quite sexy too why don't we just hop into a sack and do our very own special dance whilst laying down!

I may revise this list in time as I may come up with some better tips to replace the current ones. But at present these are the best for the current times of nagging wifey misses!!

Clarke Quay Marriage Counseling

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Clarke Quay because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Clarke Quay. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

trust issues with my boyfriend

Person Centred Counselling and the Core Conditions

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.


Suffice it to say, there is no doubt that people enter into their relationships with the best of intentions. No one really imagines that the next relationship that they are going to be in is going to end up filled with problems. Yet, we all know that this tends to happen. Sometimes we can work through those problems and make the relationship stronger in the end, and sometimes we can't and that is when they come to an end.

Just because you might be having problems with your girlfriend, it does not mean that you have to hang your head in despair. There are ways to constructively work through any issues that you might have. And just think to yourself, when you do work through those problems, you will know that your relationship is that much stronger, which is a good thing for you.


One of the things that people seem to forget, is that just because you are having problems in a relationship... that alone is not a sign that it has to end. If everyone that came together were to break up just because of a few problems in the relationship, well, you probably would not be here today. Still, there are some situations where the only course that a relationship can really take IS for it to end, so you need to weight out which decision is going to be right for You.
Here are some common situations where relationships can easily survive:


1. You are having a hard time coming together on certain issues.
No two people are going to agree on everything. Yet, many couples try to do this, and when it does not happen... they think that it means that they are not compatible. For example, you might have a completely different take on what is fun for you than your girlfriend does, and that can cause some friction. However, that does not mean that you have to end the relationship. It may mean that you have to learn how to compromise on certain things and be open to trying new things.


2. You are finding that you don't have enough time to spend together.
We all go through different waves in our lives, sometimes we have a lot of free time and sometimes it seems like we have none. This can affect the relationships that we are. On the other hand, if you truly love being with someone and it is a situation that can and will get better, than this is certainly not the biggest issue that you have to deal with. You can find a way to schedule in some good one on one time and make sure that the two of you do not grow apart.


3 Steps to Patch Things Up You need to have a strategy in place if you are going to be SERIOUS about working out any relationship issues that you may have. To think that they will just magically go away is not just wishful thinking at it's worst, it is a recipe for disaster. Yet, so many people do take on the lazy and passive approach of just sitting back and hoping that they will somehow be able to solve their relationship problems.

Here is a 3 step strategy that works to solve your relationship issues:

Step One - Identify What the Issue Really Is Sometimes you might have a symptom of a much larger issue that is nagging at you. For example, an argument over her going out with her friends on a Friday night might really have an underlying cause of you being worried that she will end up cheating on you. To solve the problem, you need to identify what the issue really is. Look as deep as you can.

Step Two - Talk Things Out With Your Girlfriend So many relationships come to a spectacularly pathetic finish because the two people just do not know how to talk things out. If you are not willing to see your relationship dissolve... then you need to sit your girlfriend down and talk to her. That way, you know what she is feeling and she knows what you are feeling and the two of you can come to a mutual understanding of what each other really wants.

Step Three - Work on Spicing Things Up in the Relationship This is important, because when a relationship becomes boring and mechanical, most people are not really willing to put in the work that they have to in order to keep themselves together. You have to work on making your girlfriend feel REALLY attracted to you, so that she feels like she always wants to work things out instead of ending the relationship.


Trust Issues With My Girlfriend - How Can I Make Her Feel Like She Can Trust Me?
Trust issues can literally make or break relationships, so the fact that you want to be able to get things figured out and you want to know how to make your girlfriend feel like she can trust you is a good thing. If more men figured out that this is something that they should work on, there would be far fewer guys wondering why their girlfriend broke up with them. So, it is a very good thing that you want to be able to find a way to make your girlfriend feel like she definitely can place her trust in you.


However, there is one thing that you should know and that is, you really can't "make" your girlfriend trust you. Trust is not something that you can force upon someone else, it is something that you earn.

trust issues from previous relationships

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

Verbal Emotional Abuse

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Clarke Quay :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

lacking trust in a relationship

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Clarke Quay deal with them.

4 Things Pre-Marriage Counseling A Couple Should Consider Before They Commit

Nov 21,1998

This was the day I had planned for and looked forward to from the time I was a little girl. I practiced by trying on my mother's wedding dress and veil, carrying her flowers and standing in front of the mirror to admire myself as a bride. This was the morning that I got up, went early to the salon to have my hair done, get dressed in my very own dress and veil, have pictures taken with my new husband, parents and newly extended family. It was a perfect snowy day. Big flakes falling down, creating the perfect winter wonderland that I'd wanted for our special day. My dad walked me down the aisle, gave me away to my husband, we said our vows, promises made and the deal was sealed. Finally married. It was a great day. One of the best, most fun weddings that we had ever been to. Snowmen centre pieces on the table, white mini lights twinkling around the room, ice cream wedding cake, winter wonderland, happy people helping us celebrate our day. It ended with us falling into bed, tired, happy, laughing about the funny events of the day, it had turned out to be the perfect wedding day. Perfect start to the rest of our happily ever after...or so I thought.

Nov 21, 2014 Anniversary #16

This was the first anniversary after I had found out that our marriage was not all that I thought it was. Our 16th Anniversary. In the last couple of years I had felt the shift in our relationship. I felt like there was something else going on in my husbands life that he wasn't sharing with me. He was working longer hours, spending less time at home, when he was home he stayed up later and later often coming to bed well after I had fallen asleep. I began to wonder if the thing in his life that he wasn't sharing was another relationship. I asked if there was another woman in his life, and he said no there wasn't. For awhile, I chalked it up to me being busy with the kids and their activities and him busy with the company and work.

This first anniversary after finding out that he had been with someone else, I didn't want to celebrate. I wanted to forget the day and have it be just another day in November. That didn't happen. Friends of ours wanted to go out an celebrate the evening. So because I hadn't told my friend what I had found out, she knew nothing and figured it would be a great couples night out. I just wanted the day to be over so I could go to sleep and not think anymore about how those things that he had promised me on this day 16 years ago, now didn't mean shit to me anymore. Celebrating felt like a lie, and at this point I was so tired of lies that I didn't want to tell anymore. I didn't want to pretend that this day still meant the same to me anymore. I just felt empty and sad.


Nov 21, 2015

I've been dreading this day again, since the beginning of the month. I wish I had some excuse to be away but I don't. So I've let it slip by and at some point maybe my husband will notice that the day got past us or he won't. Maybe he's remembered too and knows that it's a day that he just best leave alone. He doesn't understand that he has ruined this special day for me. I don't wear my wedding rings anymore because he broke those promises that he made with them. When he told me he wanted to save our marriage, he wanted me to stay, he loved me but then lied to me some more. He told me last year that he wouldn't hurt me anymore, that our marriage was worth fighting for. He lied and continued to have an online affair with a much younger woman in the States. I found out in January that he had gone to be with her. He told me he would end it. He lied. He asked me if I would give him a week to go, end things with her in June and then it would all be over. He lied, it wasn't over. He continued to be in contact with her. He lied to her too. He told her we were separated. In August, two months after I gave him his "hall pass", he went to see her again. He lied to me again, to go be with her. I cancelled our marriage counselling that he suggested, so he could fly out to go and see her. My instincts all along were telling me that he was lying.

I can't forget, the days leading up to him leaving to go be with her and the things he said. When he told me that he loved me and that he just wanted to get his work over and done with so that he could come home. I just wanted him to be honest. I wanted to believe what he was saying. I wanted to believe that maybe this anniversary maybe I would feel differently, and that the first affair was just a hiccup in our twenty three years together. I can't forget that he loved someone else besides me. I don't believe him now. I don't feel like he loves me, even though he says he does. I feel more empty and care less. I'm not going to worry about what he is doing anymore and just concentrate on living my life. I have two teenagers that I need to concentrate on raising, and not worry about how my in-laws failed to be upstanding parents and set a good example for their son. I don't know how many times, he expects that I will just keep forgiving what he was doing. I will stay married, because I meant the promises that I made. I don't think I can forgive his trip in August, I don't think I want to. I feel that the more chances and forgiveness that I give, the more he will take advantage of me.

So now this special day, that I once looked forward to, is just a day that I'd like to skip. Just a day like any of the other 365 days this year. If I can make it a couple of more hours without him realizing that today was our anniversary, and I don't have to explain to him why I just wanted to forget about it, would be great. I don't want to fight or try to explain to him my reasons, because he just doesn't get the hurt that he's caused me in the last year. I had hoped that I would feel differently after last year, and maybe if things had of gone differently then tonight would be different, and I would feel like celebrating like we did 17 years ago, with the snow falling down, with me in my dress and him in his tux. My little girl dreams were supposed to have lasted, but instead the fairytale ended and I'm navigating through reality. It sucks when the ending doesn't turn out the way you planned.

Telok Ayyer wedding therapy

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Telok Ayyer because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Telok Ayyer. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

psychologist for relationship problems

Online Counseling For Couples

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.

If you’re a gay couple who is experiencing relationship distress or seeking enrichment for your partnership, then couples counseling can be a fantastic venue to explore to strengthen your bond, resolve relational issues, and promote greater love and commitment.

Once taboo, the stigma associated with counseling has, thankfully, begun to decline in recent decades, and it can even be considered trendy to have a therapist collaborating with you to manage life’s ups and downs.

But when you’re gay, it can be a bit challenging finding resources to ensure the therapist you choose to help you with your problems is actually gay-friendly, affirmative, and well-trained in LGBT issues. While some relationship struggles are universal among all people, gay relationships also have some unique dynamics that are best served working with a professional who has the education, training, and skill in being able to help with our particular needs.


Here are the six best places to find gay counseling as well as some of my top tips for making sure you have a successful experience.


Best Places to Find Counseling for Gay Couples
Below are a variety of places to help you narrow down your search and make your selection of a therapist less cumbersome and more targeted to your situational needs.


1. The GLBT National Help Center
The GLBT National Help Center is a very valuable resource to have on hand! If you’re in crisis and you need to speak to someone, this organization is available to offer caring support from people who understand the unique needs and issues of our LGBT community. It also holds a powerful database of referrals and resources for gay-friendly organizations and services, including couples counselors, in your area.


2. The Association for Marriage & Family Therapists
It is the professional association for marriage and family therapists who have been specifically trained in relationship issues. Housed here is a therapist locator by state, city, and zip code.


3. The Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors & Therapists
Oftentimes, sexual issues can accompany relationship problems for many couples. AASECT is the professional association for sexuality professionals specifically trained and certified in sexuality issues. Here is a therapist locator by state.


4. Psychology Today’s Therapist Database
Currently one of the largest find-a-therapist online referral search engines available, Psychology Today can help you find a counselor by selecting your city and state and choosing among a variety of topical issues and specializations the counselors have.


5. The Gay Lesbian International Therapist Search Engine
GLITSE is a long-standing referral search engine to help you find an LGBT therapist suitable for your needs.


6. Contact Your Health Insurance Provider for a Referral to a Couples Therapist
Reach out to your health insurance provider and request some referrals to therapists in your area who specialize in work with the LGBT population. Keep in mind not all insurance companies cover couples counseling, so you may have to pay out of pocket.


Another option is to ask your employer if you have an employee assistance program. If so, you may have counseling services available as a free benefit to you and similarly to a health insurance provider, you may request referrals from the EAP to an LGBT counselor.

first year relationship problems

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

7 Premarriage Counseling Questions Every Couple Should Know

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Telok Ayyer :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

counseling for couples not married

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Telok Ayyer deal with them.

Person Centred Counselling and the Core Conditions

Difficult to Escape Relationships

Some people have a habit of getting themselves into relationships they can't escape from. Things may have taken the turn for the worst and due to the their partners possessive nature find it very difficult to break up or end the relationship. In these situations attempting to break up may result in, threats, embarrassing scenes in public, acts of violence of even vandalism.

Some men may not have the heart to shout "Get out of my life you crazy ***** "

I think if the warning signs for possessive women are spotted earlier, it will be easier to deal with later on down the line. This kind of thing can really lower a man's self esteem and can leave one feeling week and helpless. It can also jeopardize future relationships by making you extra sensitive to your partners actions.

Some people are pressured into believing that themselves (the victim) is actually in the wrong. They will start to believe that if they do the right things in a relationship there will be no need for outrageous acts of jealously. This seems more like brain washing and is obviously not the ingredients of a healthy relationship.

When it comes to physical abuse from a possessive women it can be very awkward for a man who would be physically stronger than a woman in most cases. A man may need to retain himself from lashing out and causing a women physical harm or injury due to the difference in strength and size. If a women attacks a man like a wild beast it may be difficult to restrict her without some form a painful restraint whether it be twisting the arms in a painful way or a slap across the face. Many men will not want to take that risk.

The tell tale signs

1. Wants to read your text messages frequently - First of all that is a complete lack of trust, secondly she needs to understand privacy. Just because most people are reluctant to show their partners their messages doesn't mean they are hiding anything. Everyone needs privacy to some extent.

2. Threats - Nobody should ever threaten somebody for leaving a relationship, it's a sign of mental insecurity, get out off there because it will get worse.

3. Outbursts in public - Others do not need to know about your problems, this is similar to a threat. i.e. If you try to break up and I will make noise in public and embarrass you!

4. Physical abuse - Most women are not as strong as men so in some cases an object or even a weapon may be used when boiled up. Normally a woman or man will have let off verbal abuse and this stage, but physical abuse in anyway is not acceptable. Don't think of this as a one-off because it will escalate.

5. Physically blocking your exit - By restricting your freedom this shows obsession to some extent, especially when it's met with physical violence when you try to force yourself out.

6. Destruction of possessions - Similar to a threat. Normally if a woman is having a hard time with you she wouldn't be interested in smashing up your brand new flat-screen TV or cracking your Smartphone screen. This is a time to escape.

7. Keeping you hostage- similar to no. 5. you may be locked in a room while she holds on to the key or blocking all possible exits demanding answers.

8. Abuse any of your female contacts - Jealousy, some women may not be able to accept the fact that you have female friends or associates and may go behind your back to try and spoil the relationships.

9. Forcing you to give up female friends - A big no, enough trust should have been built in a relationship for you to comfortably accept the fact that one can have friends of the opposite sex.

10. Being made to call at a certain time every day - What, is she a parole officer keeping tabs on you?. Where's the flexibility, freedom? A big tell tale sign.

Of course the above can be apply for the opposite - Possessive guy, and other people may have some further suggestions or tips for spotting these type of people.

The Dangers

Weather it's the man or the woman, domestic violence can be a very big issues and can lead to serious injuries or even death in some cases. Understand that it's not the attacker doing the killing, it's often the attack killed in self defense and often hard to prove to the police. Different countries and very different rules and rules to other countries. We don't all have the infamous "Stand your ground" law.

A lot of these so called possessive behaviours stem from emotions due to problems in the relationship.

For example, for most of the crazy partners you come across, the crazyness may normally arise after things have gone wrong in the relationship. If you look back at the beginning of the relationship you will probably be thinking "How can a person change so much?". In that respect I may be difficult to say if the crazy behaviour is actually part of their personality or simply influenced by emotion.

A broken heart can turn people in something they are not, e.g. a criminal or a killer. However at the end of the day, law is law no matter what provoked your emotions.

In Japan you will rarely see couples arguing in public, they tend to do their best, hold it in and wait until they get home. However in China I have witnessed many an argument or fight in public, with the women often physically attacking the man. Korea seemed to be much similar to China where people may let us their emotions and feeling no matter where and who is around. The Japanese tend to be a little more concerned about making a disturbance in public, but not all Japanese though. Very occasionally you will see somebody just lose it in public.


True Stories

  • A guy glanced at another woman's legs while with his girlfriend. She slapped him in public and made him write an apology letter to her, with an explanation that he wont do it again.
  • Some women have secretly set up good GPS tracking on their spouses smart phone and sync'd it to their own so they can track the whereabouts's any time
  • I know a case where a couple has an argument in a bar and the boyfriend decided to take a bus alone by himself. The girlfriend actually drove her car in front of the bus and forced it to stop while she exited the car, entered the bus and demanded him to get into her car.
  • Some men I know are not allowed to keep secret diaries, safe (boxes) etc. and their spouse must share the same Email passwords.

Raffles Place Marriage Therapy

Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Raffles Place because of busy routine?

Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Raffles Place. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.

marriage counseling before divorce

Dating a Narcissistic Man - Dating Narcissists

What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.


In our modern era, much of what is important happens online. Bills, shopping, relationships, and more. So of course, our modern couples are interested to know if they can meet online for premarital counseling too.


Here at Growing Self we’ve been pioneering online marriage counseling, online life coaching, and online therapy for years. So doing online premarital counseling is naturally an option that we offer.
In fact, doing online premarital counseling works extremely well for many couples. This is especially true for couples where one (or both) people frequently travel, who have busy schedules, who live in rural areas with few options for premarital counseling locally, or who may live long distance from each other.


Our model of premarital counseling is particularly effective in an online format, because it’s structured. We help you strengthen your relationship in six main areas:


How to help each other feel loved and respected
How to communicate with each other
How to deal with inevitable conflict constructively, without it turning into a fight
How to grow together, for an interesting, fresh, enjoyable marriage
How to get on the same page about important things like money, parenting and more


Depending on your relationship’s strengths and “growth opportunities,” we can help you both learn key skills for achieving peace and harmony in all or a few of those areas. Or you may have other things on your mind that you’d like to address and resolve before getting married. That is completely fine too. We can adjust our process to fit your needs.


As well as online premarital counseling works for many of our couples, there are situations where it is not a good idea. If you are having major issues in your relationship where there is a lot of anger and emotional reactivity, or you are dealing with more serious concerns like drug or alcohol addiction, or domestic violence, you should seek help from a qualified provider in your community.
But under most circumstances, meeting online for premarital counseling works beautifully.

Here’s how it works: We see couples for premarital counseling online through Skype, FaceTime and Google Hangouts. If you would like to meet in person at one of our Denver area locations (Denver / Cherry Creek, Broomfield, or Denver Tech Center) that is also an option. Some couples like to do a combination of in-person and online premarital counseling. Either way, the first step in getting started with online premarital counseling, either with our “I DO!” premarital program, or private premarital counseling is to schedule a free consultation session with one of the expert marriage counselors on our team.  


After you schedule your consultation (either by calling our 24/7 receptionist, or through our online calendar) your premarital counselor will be following up with you to get your online contact information. They’ll call you at the time of your appointment. If you are doing a three way call, the premarital counselor will call both of you at the same time. 


If you have more questions about premarital counseling at Growing Self, would like to get matched with a premarital counselor, or would like help enrolling in one of our premarital counseling programs, call anytime.

millennial relationship issues

In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.

What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!

“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.

Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.

Learn How to Deal With Relationship Problems With Your Girlfriend

There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.

• Before and After a Marriage In Raffles Place :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.

• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.

• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.

relationship problem solution

• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.

• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Raffles Place deal with them.

Marriage Counseling Tips

The Core Conditions


The three main core conditions that Carl Rogers considered essential for effective counselling are:

1. Unconditional Positive Regard. (UPR)

2. Empathy.

3. Congruence.

However in Roger’s paper “The necessary and sufficient conditions of Therapeutic personality change” he lists six conditions in total.

1. Two persons are in Psychological contact.

2. The first, whom we shall term the client, is in a state of incongruence, being vulnerable or anxious.

3. The second person, whom we shall term the therapist is congruence or integrated in the relationship.

4. The therapist experiences unconditional positive regard for the client.

5. The therapist experiences an empathic understanding of the clients internal frame of reference and endeavours to communicate this experience to the client.

6. The communication to the client of the therapist’s empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard is to a minimal degree achieved.

No other conditions are necessary . If these six conditions exist and continue over a period of time, this is sufficient…(Rogers Reader p221)

Unconditional Positive Regard, Empathy & Congruence are the counsellors or therapists conditions needed to facilitate change. Without these conditions being present a healing relationship cannot form. In the six conditions above we see that the client also has to ‘play ball’, Psychological contact is needed. If the client does not want to be there they are free to withdraw and the counselling processes cannot continue. The client too it seems needs to realise that there is something not working for them in their lives.

So what are these conditions? Roger's three core conditions for therapeutic change as explained by the good man himself:

"The first element could be called genuineness, realness, or congruence. The more the therapist is himself or herself in the relationship, putting up no professional front or personal facade, the greater is the likelihood that the client will change and grow in a constructive manner. This means that the therapist is openly being the feelings and attitudes that are flowing within at the moment. Thus, there is a close matching, or congruence, between what is being experienced at the gut level, what is present in awareness, and what is expressed to the client.

The second attitude of importance in creating a climate for change is acceptance, or caring, or prizing--what I have called 'unconditional positive regard.' When the therapist is experiencing a positive, acceptant attitude toward whatever the client is at that moment, therapeutic movement or change is more likely to occur. The therapist is willing for the client to be whatever immediate feeling is going on--confusion, resentment, fear, anger, courage, love, or pride. Such caring on the part of the therapist is non-possessive. The therapist prizes the client in a total rather than a conditional way.

The third facilitative aspect of the relationship is empathic understanding. This means that the therapist senses accurately the feelings and personal meanings that the client is experiencing and communicates this understanding to the client. When functioning best, the therapist is so much inside the private world of the other that he or she can clarify not only the meanings of which the client is aware but even those just below the level of awareness. This kind of sensitive, active listening is exceedingly rare in our lives. We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know."
(Rodgers, 1980)

There is a lot packed in to the above descriptions, at a glance it does not seem much but upon examining them closely the basic framework of Rogers counselling work is described.

Congruence

 

The first condition is named as congruence, realness, genuineness. That is to say that you are present and aware with the client. If we look back historically to the time Rogers was writing in the 1950’s I think he was saying to drop the facade of Doctor or Psychoanalyst to come out from behind the white coat and meet the person as another person, while still remaining in the role of therapist. My understanding of the therapeutic climate of the time is that the therapist took on an almost authoritarian role as a ‘fixer’ of a ‘broken’ patient. Rogers was the one who helped change the ‘Patient’ into a ‘Client’.

Once the client is treated as an equal communication will start. If the therapist comes across as an authority or an expert the client will start to tailor their answers to suit this. As Wilson points out in Prometheus Rising:

“Accurate communication is possible only in a non-punishing situation;
communication occurs only between equals”

I think that Rogers was also saying that we should be ‘real’ with who we are as a therapist. If we are only putting on the counsellor mask it will be picked up upon, much like when we visit a show room and get greeted by an over-zealous sales person, we can easily sense that they are not genuine or that they are only giving us attention because they are after a sale.

Unconditional Positive Regard:

 

Unconditional Positive Regard: UPR in a nutshell simply means that the counsellor listens in a non-judgmental warm way to the client. There are no conditions put upon the relationship. By taking this position in the relationship the client will be able to talk about what they are thinking and feeling without fearing a judgment or a rejection. It strikes me as ironic that one of the core conditions is a condition of unconditional positive regard. Nevertheless UPR is one of the bits of magic in the relationship that makes the listening and healing possible. It also ties in nicely or is on a similar continuum to congruence, as again communication occurs only between equals. Initially when I first came across this concept I wondered if I could hold it with all persons. I thought of an extreme case of an abuser, I wondered if I could hold this UPR? I thought about this and discovered that it is possible to separate the person from their behaviour. It is only when UPR is present that the client will trust the therapist enough to be open and honest about their inner world. I have faith in UPR so much so that no matter how much a person feels that they have slipped from society’s grace that they will be able to gain UPR for themselves and others and hopefully start anew. Rogers was quite wise to say that we all have potential for change up to the moment of our death. If find this concept wonderfully optimistic and applaud it.

Empathic Understanding

 

Empathy or empathic understanding is the next core condition. This is where the therapist picks up on the feelings of the client and reflects this back to the client. This is the process where the therapist can act as a support to the client by making them feel ‘as if’ the therapist is there experiencing their array of emotions. There is an expression that I like that illustrates empathic understanding the term is ‘Grok’ it’s taken from the novel ‘Stranger in a Strange Land’ (Heinlein, 1961), literally it means ‘to drink’ but is taken to mean 'understanding.' It is often used by programmers and other assorted computer geeks while discussing computer code. To ‘Grok’ means to become one with, understand and empathize with something or someone to the extent that the object or person becomes part of one’s sense self. I think that empathy in the person centred world is a ‘Groking’ of the other person, without getting so caught up in the experience that you react and become lost in it. Not to lose the ‘as if’ quality.

Do the Core Conditons Improve all relationships?

I am going to take a leap of faith and say that the core conditions do improve all relationships. I have all ready experienced the power of the conditions in my own personal counselling and have felt how powerful they are. Without a doubt in my mind I will say that within the therapeutic setting that they are essential for a healing relationship to occur.

I was debating with myself around the question of them improving
all relationships. Initially I thought that that this would not be the case so I decided to bring the conditions out into the playing field of life and experiment. I have been having a lot of fun with this. I decided to be congruent as far as its possible to be with anyone I met on the street for the last few weeks in as far giving a nod or saying ‘hullo’ if eye contact was made, rather than doing my usual paranoid ‘I’m too busy and important to be dealing with the likes of you’ walk. The response was phenomenal. One gent I’ve passed dozens of times while out walking my dog actually stopped for a chat for the first time, it consisted of no more than six words but it was a start. I’ve been getting smiles and salutes from perfect strangers when I pass them on my bike too. Saying that I’ve also encountered a few zombies too, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before contact is made. I think that time is a dimension of a relationship that gets overlooked sometimes, trust can take time.

Personal Anxiety & Fear

I have also recently had the fortune of being harassed by the local teenagers that live in the council estate adjacent to my house. As my house is the first house on the corner our cars get targeted frequently, windows smashed, set alight, stolen etc ... I saw some teenagers out in the garden the other night and went out to them. My usual approach is to tell them to clear off, usually in colourful language, this time however I went out and tried out the magic of unconditional positive regard with them. I met them as people rather than ‘bloody hooded youths’ and asked them what they were up to? This was taken as an accusation, I told them that I wasn’t blaming them for anything, only that we had been getting vandalised and that since they were in my garden I had a right to ask them what they were doing there. I asked them what they were doing out on such a cold night and they said that they where board. They had nothing on that night. I asked them what they thought should be there for them to do and one of them was quite keen on a racetrack another on somewhere to play ‘Xbox’. Admittedly one of the girls launched into a rant about how “youse (the people in the new houses) moved into our area and we’re going to smash up your stuff and houses and you until you all move away” and “ ‘cos you are the corner house that you are going to get it ‘cos your easy to run away from”, rather than rising to this bait I reflected this back to them saying that I understood that they were upset and felt like smashing up the place but asked them if they thought that this was fair? After some time they said that no it wasn’t fair but that it would probably continue. To cut a long story short I returned to my house and thought that I had made no head way with them. However, I felt that I had made some with myself. I lost my fear of the ‘youths’ and gained an understanding that these people are just board children that lack boundaries and parental control in their lives. This has made living here less scary for me and this was only through having UPR, empathy and congruence present in my dialogue with them that this change in me occurred. As a foot note to this story, the next night 12 cars on the road got their windscreens smashed, mine however was not one of them yippee! – perhaps I did get through in some small way!

More Fear and Loathing

Something similar happened again but this time with a group of younger teens from the area. Without going into too much story I started to apply the core conditions to my dealings with them whenever I had cause to. It really has made a huge difference with them. I realise that they were picking up on my distrust and judgement of their behaviour; once I started to meet them as real people I have had very little hassle with them. In fact they will now come up and chat the way children do whenever I am out working in the garden or on the cars. The other morning when I went to walk the dog there was a small group of them sitting on the wall. Rather than getting the usual dirty looks I got a ‘howareya mister!’ from them. So I can say that even in the most difficult relationships no matter how troubled they seem, using the core conditions will help improve them for the better. Perhaps only small steps at a time but steps towards something better never the less.

 

Bibliography

 

Heinlein, R. A. (1961). Stranger in a Strange Land. Berkley Publishing Group.

O'Farrell, U. (Reprint 2001). First Steps in Counselling. Dublin: Veritas.

Rogers, C. (1980). Way of Being. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

Rogers, C. (2005). The Carl Rogers Reader edited by Kirschenbaum & Henderson. London: Counstable & Robertson.

Sanders, P. (2006). The Person Centred Counselling Primer. Trowbridge, UK: Cromwell Press.

Wilson, R. A. (1994). Prometheus Rising. Arizona: Falcon.