Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Raffles Place because of busy routine?
Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Raffles Place. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.
When to Seek Marriage Counseling
What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.
When two people in love decide to tie the knot, and take the marriage vows, they start a journey full of hope and expectation. It is however not uncommon to hear stories of separation and divorce. In fact the divorce statistics are a little alarming. Studies show that in the United States alone, there is one divorce every 13 seconds. In other words, 50% of all marriages in the US end in divorce, and the average length of marriages that end in divorce is eight years.
Even in countries like Uganda where divorce is still stigmatized due to cultural beliefs, the story is not any different. Some couples seem to be humming along in perfect harmony, until you suddenly hear the unexpected.
Despite sharing common interest and similar careers, couples still end in divorce courts. It is also true however, that some marriages have thrived against all odds and have made it to the golden jubilee anniversary. Very often the signs of trouble are there. We only choose to judge success in marriage by the wrong standards. Here are three signs one can use to tell if their marriage is headed for success.
You freely express your feelings
Most people who are in love fight. In the beginning, there is what seems to be a period of bliss, and there is little about your partner that bothers you enough for you to air it out. Or you might be trying hard to avoid conflict because you assume it could mean that something is awfully wrong with your relationship.
It is important to remember that fights in a relationship are often about those areas in your lives that aren't easy to understand about each other, and in many cases there may never be any straightforward answers.
This is perfectly normal and is not an indication that something is terribly wrong with your relationship. Being able to express yourself, even if it involves a heated argument can be a sign that your marriage is on the right track.
Fights provide a way for couples to reconnect. They often touch our weak spots and these are what we need to concentrate on in order to make success. Arguments provide an atmosphere for expression of one’s true feelings about our habits and various weaknesses. Coupled with positive criticism, they can be a means to help us understand our selves and how we relate with our partners.
They thus promote understanding of those unique details that make one relationship different from another. They also prevent accumulation of anger. When a fault is sighted in a relationship, it needs to be addressed promptly. Unfortunately this may mean engaging in a heated argument because each party is passionately trying to prove that they are right. On the other hand if such faults are allowed to accumulate, they will culminate into Anger out bursts that will in turn lead to regrettable irrational decision making.
A study by the University of Washington on newlywed couples found that couples who rarely fought or argued were happier in the relationship than those who fought often. Three years down the road however, the findings had reversed dramatically. Couples with an early history of bickering had worked their problems and were more likely to be in a stable marriage. Couples who had avoided conflict early on were more likely to be in troubled relationships already.
Note that this is far from violence or verbal abuse which are unacceptable, and are signs of disrespect. The important thing here is not who can win, because any one can win provided they are willing to win at the cost of love and respect. What then should the fight be about if not winning? A healthy fight is aimed at restoring the balance of power rather than destroy it. You are fighting to let the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, know exactly how you feel about the situation. This kind of fight will end in surrender rather than loss and this must never be one sided. Fighting matters in marriage because what counts out of it is forgiveness. Avoid the temptation of the desire to win which is as present as any other marital temptation. You should always unite to fight external forces. Remember never to say what can’t be unsaid, never go to sleep angry and worse still, end a fight by having sex with someone other than your partner because infidelity is unacceptable.
You Still Spend Time With Your Friends
Despite being married, you're still two different people with many different interests in life. Therefore, your marriage should not feel like some sort of 'dungeon' that robes you of all your rights and freedoms as a human being.
Remember before you fell in love with your darling, you had a life, friends and family. Perhaps these are among the things that got him or her to fall head over heels for you.
A good marriage affords you the freedom to do those things you enjoy to do, because these are what define you and your happiness. These should of course be morally acceptable and shouldn't be the kind of activities that disgrace you or your partner and you marriage (remember marriage means growing up). Spending time with friends keeps you up to date with life outside your relationship. You will not be ‘left behind’ on trending fashion or entertainment news. This keeps your mind fresh and brings a general sense of happiness to your life. You will also get a well-deserved break from all the pressure that could be piling up in your relationship. Spending time away from each other refreshes the mind and allows you time to think of each other and miss each other’s company.
You don’t need to live in each other’s pockets or do everything together. Studies show that relationships in which one or both partners are overly possessive are more likely to encounter problems than those in which partners freely relate with friends and family. This calls for trust which by all means must be earned. There is no doubt that trust is important in any relationship, in fact a marriage without trust is doomed to fail. Trust, love, honesty and effective communication are the key to spending time away from each other successfully
'We' and 'Us'
The use of such unifying pronouns is a characteristic of a successful marriage. This is often expressed in activities done together. According to Tara Packer-Pope, a wellness blogger for the New York Times, the way you talk about the good and bad times of your early years together is about 90% accurate in predicting success or failure in a marriage. In her article; “How to avoid common marriage traps” Tara sights an example of a couple that go hiking together on their first date. “In a happy marriage, the wife might tell the story this way; "we got terribly lost that day, but we laughed about how neither of us had a good sense of direction. After that we knew better than to plan another hiking trip.”
“But if the relationship is stressed,” she continues, “the wife might tell the story this way; He lost the map and it took hours to find our way back. After that I never wanted to go hiking again.” Same story but told from different mind sets. The latter depicts a sense of individualism. The wife feels that most of what happened was her husband’s fault. This is typical in marriages that are heading towards a sour end, as one partner possibly feels suffocated by the unfair distribution of power in the relationship. It should be understood that marriage is about balance of power. The best way to avoid domineering is by never letting activities done together, to be determined or controlled by one person.
These Subtle signs are present in many marriages. But because they often go unnoticed, many of these marriages end up in painful separations or divorce, leaving children in difficult positions of having to take sides between their parents. Most of the marriages that have thrived against all odds are those in which these signs are noticed and dealt with early.
In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.
What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!
“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.
Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.
Premarital Counseling For a Lifetime of Love
There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.
• Before and After a Marriage In Raffles Place :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.
• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.
• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.
• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.
• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Raffles Place deal with them.
4 Things Pre-Marriage Counseling A Couple Should Consider Before They Commit
It's All About Him!
If you are dating a narcissistic man, then you probably realise by now that your life is inconsequential to him.
Nothing is ever about you, it is all about him.
Narcissists are master manipulators who don’t have a grip on reality.
They are distrusting, suspicious, abusive and controlling of their partners.
Often living in a state of denial, narcissists may also be suffering from mental health problems, aside from their personality disorder.
This can lead to them being psychologically unstable. Over a period of time, you may even begin to sense that they are 'not normal.' Their reactions will appear totally alien to you.
When confronted about their behaviour, the narcissist is never at fault. It will always be your fault. They fail to realise that there will inevitably be consequences for their bad behaviour. As they are never in the wrong, you must be the one to blame.
Be prepared for drama, drama and more drama!
Dating a narcissistic man is a rollercoaster of emotions.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms
Clinical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder requires five or more of the following traits to be exhibited:
- Has a grandiose sense of self- importance (e.g. exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
- Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
- Requires excessive admiration.
- Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.
- Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
- Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
Cluster B Personality Disorders
- Antisocial Personality Disorder
Exhibits a pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.
- Borderline Personality Disorder
Exhibits a pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity.
- Histrionic Personality Disorder
Exhibits a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking.
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Exhibits a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.
In the early stages of a relationship the Narc comes across as confident, charming, attentive and loving.
In fact, he worships the ground you walk on. You just can’t believe your luck.
This guy is just too good to be true.
And there ladies, is your Aha! moment.
Your first red flag.
This guy IS too good to be true!
It will be a whirlwind romance of his orchestration.
He will tell you that he loves you and soon begins making plans for your ‘happy ever after' ’life together that exists only in his fantasy world.
He has no real intention of ever delivering on his promises.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a Cluster B personality disorder.
Therefore, it is not uncommon for a narcissist to exhibit traits that are prevalent in the other personality disorders as there is often some degree of overlap.
A narcissist typically exhibits a lack of:
They also display many of the following characteristics:
- Self centred / self absorbed
Further Reading On Narcissism
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms
Narcissistic Personality Disorder sufferers can be arrogant, self centred, demanding, manipulative, cocky and lacking empathy for others. With an inflated sense of their own importance they have a deep need for admiration
Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Men
Narcissistic men can totally destroy your life. They are manipulative, self absorbed and lack empathy for anyone else. If you're dating a guy who thinks it's "all about me" then you should get out fast. He is capable of destroying your sanity as well as your bank balance!
Breaking Up With A Narcissistic Man
The hardest part of breaking up with a narcissistic man can be the utter lack of comprehension.
What happened to the charming man who swept me off our feet?
Who is this monster standing before me?
Was it something I did?
What if I’d done things differently?
The list is endless.
Obsessing about the breakup is an unnecessary drain on your emotions.
In truth, dating a narcissist is emotionally exhausting.
You are trying to make sense of the nonsensical.
Stop analysing every detail because none of it will ever make any sense to you.
Narcissists do not behave rationally.
Therefore, you cannot possibly hope to derive a rational explanation from an irrational situation.
Surviving A Narcissistic Relationship
Here are a few parting words of encouragement:
- Know Your Self Worth – If you don’t value yourself then he never will.
- Set Your Boundaries - and stick to them. If you repeatedly allow him to cross your boundaries do you honestly believe that is an incentive for him to stop?
- Actions Speak Louder Than Words – The way someone behaves reveals far more about them, than what they actually say. The Narc knows exactly what you want to hear. He is full of false promises that he simply has no intention of carrying out. He simply can’t you see. You are dating a narcissistic man!
Please note that this hub is not intended for use as a source of professional, psychological or medical advice but is provided solely for informational purposes.
Readers are advised to seek the services of competent professionals in these fields.