In Singapore marriage is considered a beautify relationship that binds two souls who have love and compassion in their hearts. FamilyRootsOrganizer is strong advocate of the fact that having someone in your life gives you the peace of mind that you have the support and love your need in order to succeed and live a healthy life.
Well, most of the time it happens that people in Singapore find someone who can offer them such things, but, also some of the time it happens that people don’t get these things from their spouse and after a particular time period, they get separated from each other.
While, this is the huge steps that any person will take in his/her life because no matter there have been years or few months in their marriage, but they are emotionally attached to each other so that they cannot take this thing quite easily.
Now the question might pop up in someone’s mind that why then people get divorced if it is quite a painful thing to do for them. So, for the answer to this question, we are here going to tell you about 5 common causes of divorce in Singapore.
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When two people in love decide to tie the knot, and take the marriage vows, they start a journey full of hope and expectation. It is however not uncommon to hear stories of separation and divorce. In fact the divorce statistics are a little alarming. Studies show that in the United States alone, there is one divorce every 13 seconds. In other words, 50% of all marriages in the US end in divorce, and the average length of marriages that end in divorce is eight years.
Even in countries like Uganda where divorce is still stigmatized due to cultural beliefs, the story is not any different. Some couples seem to be humming along in perfect harmony, until you suddenly hear the unexpected.
Despite sharing common interest and similar careers, couples still end in divorce courts. It is also true however, that some marriages have thrived against all odds and have made it to the golden jubilee anniversary. Very often the signs of trouble are there. We only choose to judge success in marriage by the wrong standards. Here are three signs one can use to tell if their marriage is headed for success.
You freely express your feelings
Most people who are in love fight. In the beginning, there is what seems to be a period of bliss, and there is little about your partner that bothers you enough for you to air it out. Or you might be trying hard to avoid conflict because you assume it could mean that something is awfully wrong with your relationship.
It is important to remember that fights in a relationship are often about those areas in your lives that aren't easy to understand about each other, and in many cases there may never be any straightforward answers.
This is perfectly normal and is not an indication that something is terribly wrong with your relationship. Being able to express yourself, even if it involves a heated argument can be a sign that your marriage is on the right track.
Fights provide a way for couples to reconnect. They often touch our weak spots and these are what we need to concentrate on in order to make success. Arguments provide an atmosphere for expression of one’s true feelings about our habits and various weaknesses. Coupled with positive criticism, they can be a means to help us understand our selves and how we relate with our partners.
They thus promote understanding of those unique details that make one relationship different from another. They also prevent accumulation of anger. When a fault is sighted in a relationship, it needs to be addressed promptly. Unfortunately this may mean engaging in a heated argument because each party is passionately trying to prove that they are right. On the other hand if such faults are allowed to accumulate, they will culminate into Anger out bursts that will in turn lead to regrettable irrational decision making.
A study by the University of Washington on newlywed couples found that couples who rarely fought or argued were happier in the relationship than those who fought often. Three years down the road however, the findings had reversed dramatically. Couples with an early history of bickering had worked their problems and were more likely to be in a stable marriage. Couples who had avoided conflict early on were more likely to be in troubled relationships already.
Note that this is far from violence or verbal abuse which are unacceptable, and are signs of disrespect. The important thing here is not who can win, because any one can win provided they are willing to win at the cost of love and respect. What then should the fight be about if not winning? A healthy fight is aimed at restoring the balance of power rather than destroy it. You are fighting to let the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, know exactly how you feel about the situation. This kind of fight will end in surrender rather than loss and this must never be one sided. Fighting matters in marriage because what counts out of it is forgiveness. Avoid the temptation of the desire to win which is as present as any other marital temptation. You should always unite to fight external forces. Remember never to say what can’t be unsaid, never go to sleep angry and worse still, end a fight by having sex with someone other than your partner because infidelity is unacceptable.
You Still Spend Time With Your Friends
Despite being married, you're still two different people with many different interests in life. Therefore, your marriage should not feel like some sort of 'dungeon' that robes you of all your rights and freedoms as a human being.
Remember before you fell in love with your darling, you had a life, friends and family. Perhaps these are among the things that got him or her to fall head over heels for you.
A good marriage affords you the freedom to do those things you enjoy to do, because these are what define you and your happiness. These should of course be morally acceptable and shouldn't be the kind of activities that disgrace you or your partner and you marriage (remember marriage means growing up). Spending time with friends keeps you up to date with life outside your relationship. You will not be ‘left behind’ on trending fashion or entertainment news. This keeps your mind fresh and brings a general sense of happiness to your life. You will also get a well-deserved break from all the pressure that could be piling up in your relationship. Spending time away from each other refreshes the mind and allows you time to think of each other and miss each other’s company.
You don’t need to live in each other’s pockets or do everything together. Studies show that relationships in which one or both partners are overly possessive are more likely to encounter problems than those in which partners freely relate with friends and family. This calls for trust which by all means must be earned. There is no doubt that trust is important in any relationship, in fact a marriage without trust is doomed to fail. Trust, love, honesty and effective communication are the key to spending time away from each other successfully
'We' and 'Us'
The use of such unifying pronouns is a characteristic of a successful marriage. This is often expressed in activities done together. According to Tara Packer-Pope, a wellness blogger for the New York Times, the way you talk about the good and bad times of your early years together is about 90% accurate in predicting success or failure in a marriage. In her article; “How to avoid common marriage traps” Tara sights an example of a couple that go hiking together on their first date. “In a happy marriage, the wife might tell the story this way; "we got terribly lost that day, but we laughed about how neither of us had a good sense of direction. After that we knew better than to plan another hiking trip.”
“But if the relationship is stressed,” she continues, “the wife might tell the story this way; He lost the map and it took hours to find our way back. After that I never wanted to go hiking again.” Same story but told from different mind sets. The latter depicts a sense of individualism. The wife feels that most of what happened was her husband’s fault. This is typical in marriages that are heading towards a sour end, as one partner possibly feels suffocated by the unfair distribution of power in the relationship. It should be understood that marriage is about balance of power. The best way to avoid domineering is by never letting activities done together, to be determined or controlled by one person.
These Subtle signs are present in many marriages. But because they often go unnoticed, many of these marriages end up in painful separations or divorce, leaving children in difficult positions of having to take sides between their parents. Most of the marriages that have thrived against all odds are those in which these signs are noticed and dealt with early.
One of the biggest reasons that you will find as the cause of divorce is infidelity. This thing determines the activity of cheating your spouse on someone. Since it is obvious that every person that gets married vows to spend the rest of his/her life with that person only. He/she takes some vows according to which he/she will never leave his/her spouse, will never hurt him/her and also not let him/her alone in any situation. Well, this thing happens to almost every person but in some cases, people get into infidelity due to which their relationship does not work out.
Well, the divorce step in the case of infidelity does not take by the person who is cheating, but by the person that is being cheated by that person. In this case, when the other person finds out that his/her spouse is involved with any other person and he/she is cheated on me, then he/she does not want to live with that person anymore and he/she claims the divorce to get apart.
2. Money And Finances
Another one of the biggest elements that become the cause of divorce between two people is money. Well, money is the most basic need that every person wants to have in his life. There is nothing can be done in a real-life if a person doesn’t have money in Singapore. Although the financial status varies from one another if we say that a person had survived in his/her life without money in his/her hand, then it is totally wrong.
Well, in the case of marriage, money and financial status play an important role. If a person, especially man, is financially strong, then his woman will go far with him by living happily, but if the status goes down by any reason, then there is a huge chance that she does not want to live without that person and she get divorce from him. Additionally, this thing applies on the man, like if a person has a figure in his mind that his wife will get with her in her account and she will make him as the caretaker of that amount, then the man will consider that lady, but if she finds out after some time that the things those he was expecting from her, will not be fulfilled in any case, then he gets himself apart from her. In such cases, the relationships are meant to be materialistic instead of emotional.
3. Lack of Communication
According to resaerch conducted by FamilyRootsOrganizer every relationship is built on effective communication. If you are do not talk a lot with a person to whom you have some kind of relationship, then you will not be able to take it way too far.
The same thing happens in the case of marriage. This relationship in Singapore highly needs to build effective communication to make it strong. Both husband and wife need to talk to each other on different topics and spend quality time with each other. When this thing does not happen, then there appear clashes between both of them. Both people feel mental differences from each and they don’t get a proper time to make their relationship strong. This is the reason that they end up being divorced and get separated from each other.
4. Lack of Intimacy
Sex is also another one of the most important things that makes a relationship stronger. We at FamilyRootsOrganizer believe if your spouse is not sexually fit as you are, then you will not be able to handle the relationship because every person has some particular sexual needs. If they are being fulfilled, then you will definitely a source by which you can get make these needs fulfilled.
This is the reason that when a person between husband or wife, feels lack of intimacy, then you will alternately end up to be divorced, and find any other person with which you are fully satisfied.
5. Abuse: Physical Or Mental
Abusing is also quite an essential thing that become the reason of divorce between two people. No matter, it is sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or any kind of physical abuse, no person can bear it for a long time. In this case, he/she will alternately take an action and demand for divorce or permanent separation.
How getting relationship therapy can help save the relationship?
Well, everything in this world has some kind of therapy for the betterment and improvement in that thing. If you are depressed or get anxiety attacks, then you will definitely get a proper therapy session, to get rid of it. Similarly, there is also a relationship therapy that helps you out to run your relationship better.
FamilyRootsOrganizer therapies help you out to understand the positive aspects of your relationship and give it a chance to work out. They encourage you to give your relationship a chance and try to make it better by changing your attitude or tackling the other person’s behavior.
So, make sure to have the relationship therapy if you are involved in any of this situation and give your marriage a chance instead of divorce.
Anniversaries After the Affair
In our modern era, much of what is important happens online. Bills, shopping, relationships, and more. So of course, our modern couples are interested to know if they can meet online for premarital counseling too.
Here at Growing Self we’ve been pioneering online marriage counseling, online life coaching, and online therapy for years. So doing online premarital counseling is naturally an option that we offer.
In fact, doing online premarital counseling works extremely well for many couples. This is especially true for couples where one (or both) people frequently travel, who have busy schedules, who live in rural areas with few options for premarital counseling locally, or who may live long distance from each other.
Our model of premarital counseling is particularly effective in an online format, because it’s structured. We help you strengthen your relationship in six main areas:
How to help each other feel loved and respected
How to communicate with each other
How to deal with inevitable conflict constructively, without it turning into a fight
How to grow together, for an interesting, fresh, enjoyable marriage
How to get on the same page about important things like money, parenting and more
Depending on your relationship’s strengths and “growth opportunities,” we can help you both learn key skills for achieving peace and harmony in all or a few of those areas. Or you may have other things on your mind that you’d like to address and resolve before getting married. That is completely fine too. We can adjust our process to fit your needs.
As well as online premarital counseling works for many of our couples, there are situations where it is not a good idea. If you are having major issues in your relationship where there is a lot of anger and emotional reactivity, or you are dealing with more serious concerns like drug or alcohol addiction, or domestic violence, you should seek help from a qualified provider in your community.
But under most circumstances, meeting online for premarital counseling works beautifully.
Here’s how it works: We see couples for premarital counseling online through Skype, FaceTime and Google Hangouts. If you would like to meet in person at one of our Denver area locations (Denver / Cherry Creek, Broomfield, or Denver Tech Center) that is also an option. Some couples like to do a combination of in-person and online premarital counseling. Either way, the first step in getting started with online premarital counseling, either with our “I DO!” premarital program, or private premarital counseling is to schedule a free consultation session with one of the expert marriage counselors on our team.
After you schedule your consultation (either by calling our 24/7 receptionist, or through our online calendar) your premarital counselor will be following up with you to get your online contact information. They’ll call you at the time of your appointment. If you are doing a three way call, the premarital counselor will call both of you at the same time.
If you have more questions about premarital counseling at Growing Self, would like to get matched with a premarital counselor, or would like help enrolling in one of our premarital counseling programs, call anytime.