Have been trying to resolve the issues between your parents? Are you unable to understand and meet the demands of your partner that is causing issues? Are you going through a toxic relationship which is causing mental and physical problems? Is it getting hard for you to manage your relationship with your friends in Telok Ayyer because of busy routine?
Well, you are not the only one dealing with these problems in Telok Ayyer. There are many people who are going through the same phase. You will be surprised to know that it is the main cause of depression and stress in many people. However, an important thing you need to understand is that mistake happens from both sides and you have to resolve them together.
Anniversaries After the Affair
What happens most of the time is that after suffering for so many years by the hands of someone close, dear, or loved ones; our way of behaving with others and overall attitude, gets a bit aggressive and loud towards small things and issues. We start to react harshly over normal things and when we get a reaction from others, we end up with feeling that no one understand us and everyone is trying to hurt us, but in reality it is our behavior that is causing all the disturbance. Don’t consider it just for romantic relationship but it can be between you and your parents, siblings, and friends. However, there is also no doubt that romantic relationship failure gives us the biggest heartaches.
Marriage is the approved social pattern whereby two to more persons establish a family. It involves not only the right to conceive and rear children, but also a host of other obligation and privileges affecting a good many people.
The real meaning of marriage is the acceptance of a new status, with a new set of privileges and obligations, and the recognition of this new status by others. A legal marriage legitimizes a social status and creates a set of legally recognized rights and duties.
Marriage is one of the oldest socially recognized institution and essential for the procreation of children and satisfaction of our sexual urges. In different societies there are different methods of marriage. Some of the societies allow a male to marry only a single female whereas in other societies a husband is allowed to have more than one wife. Similarly some societies will not allow a woman to have more than one husband whereas other societies will not mind a woman having more than one husband. In some cases the parent arranges the marriage whereas in others the boys and girls arrange their marriage.
Definition of Marriage: Marriageis a term for social relationships of husband and wife or of plural mates. Also used for the ceremony of uniting marital partners.
It refers to the finding of spouse by man and woman. There are two methods given as :
- Exogamy: When a person marries outside one’s group, caste, religion, class or race. It is attributed as exogamy. In the modern times this marriage is mostly in practice.
- Endogamy: When a person marries inside one’s group, caste, religion, class or race. It is known as endogamy. This kind of marriage is practice mostly in the rural areas of Pakistan, Afghanistan.
Form of Marriage
Different societies have different views for the social recognition and approval of marriage. That is the reason why we find different of marriages. The main types of marriage are given below:
- Monogamy: One person is allowed to marry once.
- Polygamy: Person ( man or woman ) is allowed to marry more than once.
- Polygyny: A husband is permitted to have more than one wife at one time.
- Polyandry: A woman marries to more than one man at a time .
- Fraternal polyandry: When a woman is considered and treated as the wife of all the brothers living in the family and the offspring is considered to be the son/daughter of the eldest brother.
- Non-fraternal polyandry: In this form a woman is supposed to have more than one husband.
- Group marriage: The brothers are required to marry with the sisters living together.
- Experimental marriage: In such a marriage the couple should be allowed to come together and freely mix and meet to understand each other before their marriage.
- Inter caste marriage: A man marries a woman with in a caste. Like in India.
- Anuloma: When the men of higher castes are allowed to marry the women of lower castes is called anuloma.
- Pratiloma: When the women of higher castes marry to the men of lower castes are called Pratiloma.
- Hyper-gamy & hypo-gamy: A man belonging to the nobility is allowed to marry a woman of lower social status is called Hyper-gamy. But when a woman of higher social status is marrying a man of lower social status is called Hypo-gamy.
- Sororate marriage: If the wife is died. After the death, the husband marries this deceased wife’s sister.
- Levirate marriage: When the husband is died. After the death the wife marries her deceased husband’s brother.
- Marriage by elopement: If a boy and girl run away and marry against the choice of their parents. They marry either in court or other place.
- Compassionate Marriage: The dissolution of marriage by mutual consents, due to having no children.
- Arranged Marriage: The marriage, which is arranged by the consent of both sides parent.
- Love Marriage: The system under which the youngsters themselves select their life partners is called love marriage.
- Swara Marriage: It’s a common marriage in Pukhtoon society.
Functions of Marriage
- Social Recognition: Marriage gives social recognition to all sexual relationships, which otherwise would have many social problems. Marriage alone makes the society accept the relationship of boy and girl, as husband and wife.
- Procreation of Children: Then another function of the marriage is to have legitimate children; The children born as a result of socially recognized marriage are accepted by the society as legitimate and legal heirs to the property and other assets of the family.
- Sense of Sympathy: After the marriage alone the husband and wife and their children develop a sense of sympathy for each other and they begin to share each other’s joys and sorrows. They sacrifice for the sake of each other.
- Basis of Family: Then another function of marriage is that it is the basis of family life. As we all know that after marriage family comes into being and with that the virtues of all the family life emerge in the society.
- Stability in Relationship: After marriage alone relationships come into being e.g. the relationship of husband and wife, son or daughter, father in law and mother in law or that of grandfather and grandmother etc. these relations get stabilized with the passage of time but only after marriage but not before marriage.
- Perpetuation of Lineage: It is after marriage that there is desire to perpetuate the name of the family. The children perpetuate the names of their parents and then come grandchildren, great grand children etc. After some time then there is a desire to perpetuate the lineage of the family and it at any stage in the family there are no offshoots, then every effort is made to have then, so that the name of the family continues.
In this way each family has very important and basic functions to perform. Without these functions our whole social system would failed and would resulting many social problems. Then marriage alone has helped in maintaing high moral standards of which any society can really feel proud.
In all these situations, after back to back failed relationship issues and suffering from heartaches, you end up feeling mentally unstable. You find hard time in coping up with your daily routine or you simply cannot stop thinking negative about the world, its people, and whatever is happening around you in a negative manner.
What you can do in this regard?
Well, you need someone there for you to help you coping with the anxiety, depression, and this continuous sour of feeling down and dismayed. YOU NEED US!
“We are the best relationship therapists in the world to help you dealing with general and severe relationship issues caused by yours or others’ actions”.
Relationship therapy that’s also known as couples therapy, marriage, therapy, or relationship issues therapy; is an attempt to help you make an improvement in your relationships, specifically romantic ones, by resolving conflicts, issues, and misconception, occurred due to mistakes and misunderstandings.
Verbal Emotional Abuse
There is no exact or required time to ask for and get relationship therapy until you find yourself in a mess that requires to be cleaned. Moreover, when you don’t want the problem to get worse, you need an expert advice, a helping hand, to go through the conflict and resolve it without damaging your relationship.
• Before and After a Marriage In Telok Ayyer :
Moreover, you can ask for a relationship therapy before and after your marriage because it is a legal relationship and failed marriages won’t only cause depression and anxiety in the spouse, but it can even become the cause of you losing all of your income while competing in a family court against your spouse while filing for Divorce/Separation.
• When You Want To End A Relationship In A Less-Disturbing Way:
Moreover, you can also ask for a relationship therapy when you feel so nagged and downed by a failed infidel relationship. When you don’t want your mental health to fall apart and you also don’t want to end the relationship like this. The responsible behavior is that even if you both don’t mean to stay together, still finish the relationship in a way that won’t be toxic for anyone of you.
• When You See Your Kid Is Suffering From Mental Issues Because of the Conflicts Between You Two:
Furthermore, if you have been into a relationship where your kids are being suffered due to the conflicts between you and your partner, they will get mentally disrobed. Remember, you both are special for each other and watching other suffer is a suffering for yourselves. Even if you don’t show it to them, kids are sensitive and sharp, they sense the tension in the atmosphere and feel it to the end. Most of the time, instead of talking about it, they start getting isolated and here is when the overall problem starts. Here, again you need help from an expert therapist to help your kid coming back to his or her track. It doesn’t matter that your all kids would suffer the same, however the sensitive one requires your help the most.
• When You Have Suffered Through an Abusive Relationship
A toxic relationship, either it gives you sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse; it leaves some after effects on you and you start to take things in a very different way which most of the time is not healthy. Here you need to talk to expert therapists on your ex-relationship and the problems associated to it. Remember, it is not end of your life. The life never ends until you die. Therefore, one toxic relationship doesn’t mean you should stop asking for love. However, before getting into involved with someone else, you will have to get rid of all the abusiveness in your veins and heart caused by it. This is when you need to go to a relationship therapist so that you can accept and start your new relation in a better and healthier manner.
• When you need Serious Mental Help:
Most of the time a suffering through Communication Problems Sex and Sexuality, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Adjustment issues, and Bipolar Disorder (BPD) requires serious and immediate help or else the after-effects can be worst and require a huge time in resolving issues. This can end up in failed marriages, failed relationships, and successful attempts of suicide. When you don’t want this to happen, you need to bring the sufferers to us and let our experts in Telok Ayyer deal with them.
Marriage Counseling Tips
This was the day I had planned for and looked forward to from the time I was a little girl. I practiced by trying on my mother's wedding dress and veil, carrying her flowers and standing in front of the mirror to admire myself as a bride. This was the morning that I got up, went early to the salon to have my hair done, get dressed in my very own dress and veil, have pictures taken with my new husband, parents and newly extended family. It was a perfect snowy day. Big flakes falling down, creating the perfect winter wonderland that I'd wanted for our special day. My dad walked me down the aisle, gave me away to my husband, we said our vows, promises made and the deal was sealed. Finally married. It was a great day. One of the best, most fun weddings that we had ever been to. Snowmen centre pieces on the table, white mini lights twinkling around the room, ice cream wedding cake, winter wonderland, happy people helping us celebrate our day. It ended with us falling into bed, tired, happy, laughing about the funny events of the day, it had turned out to be the perfect wedding day. Perfect start to the rest of our happily ever after...or so I thought.
Nov 21, 2014 Anniversary #16
This was the first anniversary after I had found out that our marriage was not all that I thought it was. Our 16th Anniversary. In the last couple of years I had felt the shift in our relationship. I felt like there was something else going on in my husbands life that he wasn't sharing with me. He was working longer hours, spending less time at home, when he was home he stayed up later and later often coming to bed well after I had fallen asleep. I began to wonder if the thing in his life that he wasn't sharing was another relationship. I asked if there was another woman in his life, and he said no there wasn't. For awhile, I chalked it up to me being busy with the kids and their activities and him busy with the company and work.
This first anniversary after finding out that he had been with someone else, I didn't want to celebrate. I wanted to forget the day and have it be just another day in November. That didn't happen. Friends of ours wanted to go out an celebrate the evening. So because I hadn't told my friend what I had found out, she knew nothing and figured it would be a great couples night out. I just wanted the day to be over so I could go to sleep and not think anymore about how those things that he had promised me on this day 16 years ago, now didn't mean shit to me anymore. Celebrating felt like a lie, and at this point I was so tired of lies that I didn't want to tell anymore. I didn't want to pretend that this day still meant the same to me anymore. I just felt empty and sad.
Nov 21, 2015
I've been dreading this day again, since the beginning of the month. I wish I had some excuse to be away but I don't. So I've let it slip by and at some point maybe my husband will notice that the day got past us or he won't. Maybe he's remembered too and knows that it's a day that he just best leave alone. He doesn't understand that he has ruined this special day for me. I don't wear my wedding rings anymore because he broke those promises that he made with them. When he told me he wanted to save our marriage, he wanted me to stay, he loved me but then lied to me some more. He told me last year that he wouldn't hurt me anymore, that our marriage was worth fighting for. He lied and continued to have an online affair with a much younger woman in the States. I found out in January that he had gone to be with her. He told me he would end it. He lied. He asked me if I would give him a week to go, end things with her in June and then it would all be over. He lied, it wasn't over. He continued to be in contact with her. He lied to her too. He told her we were separated. In August, two months after I gave him his "hall pass", he went to see her again. He lied to me again, to go be with her. I cancelled our marriage counselling that he suggested, so he could fly out to go and see her. My instincts all along were telling me that he was lying.
I can't forget, the days leading up to him leaving to go be with her and the things he said. When he told me that he loved me and that he just wanted to get his work over and done with so that he could come home. I just wanted him to be honest. I wanted to believe what he was saying. I wanted to believe that maybe this anniversary maybe I would feel differently, and that the first affair was just a hiccup in our twenty three years together. I can't forget that he loved someone else besides me. I don't believe him now. I don't feel like he loves me, even though he says he does. I feel more empty and care less. I'm not going to worry about what he is doing anymore and just concentrate on living my life. I have two teenagers that I need to concentrate on raising, and not worry about how my in-laws failed to be upstanding parents and set a good example for their son. I don't know how many times, he expects that I will just keep forgiving what he was doing. I will stay married, because I meant the promises that I made. I don't think I can forgive his trip in August, I don't think I want to. I feel that the more chances and forgiveness that I give, the more he will take advantage of me.
So now this special day, that I once looked forward to, is just a day that I'd like to skip. Just a day like any of the other 365 days this year. If I can make it a couple of more hours without him realizing that today was our anniversary, and I don't have to explain to him why I just wanted to forget about it, would be great. I don't want to fight or try to explain to him my reasons, because he just doesn't get the hurt that he's caused me in the last year. I had hoped that I would feel differently after last year, and maybe if things had of gone differently then tonight would be different, and I would feel like celebrating like we did 17 years ago, with the snow falling down, with me in my dress and him in his tux. My little girl dreams were supposed to have lasted, but instead the fairytale ended and I'm navigating through reality. It sucks when the ending doesn't turn out the way you planned.